Depressed African American girl spending an autumn day with her parents in nature at sunset. Copy space.Just a few days ago UK’s health secretary Victoria Atkins warned parents to hug their kids more and to avoid tough love.
In fact, she said the advice given to parents for generations had been wrong, newborns won’t really get clingier if cuddled more.
But how true is this? For generations parents have been told crying babies should be left to soothe themselves or babies shouldn’t be held for too long as they will get too attached.
Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic says there is some truth to the idea that tough love is outdated.
She revealed that the notion of “tough love,” just like the “stiff upper lip” mentality, is outdated. Ideally, in a healthy parent-child relationship, we’re looking to combine warmth and care alongside healthy boundaries that create a feeling of security.
“This approach does more than build a safe environment - it ensures that the child’s emotional needs are fully met too. It’s important to understand that the relationship between a parent and child plays a key role in the child’s overall development,” says Dr Touroni.
The quality of this relationship can influence not just the immediate dynamics within the family but also the child’s future relationships.
This means that poor parenting can lead to a multitude of issues, not only straining the parent-child bond but also potentially setting a precedent for the child’s future relationships too.
Dr Touroni believes parenting can influence how they choose their partners, their tolerance for certain (unhealthy) behaviours, their sense of security in relationships, and even their basic understanding of what love is.
“Focusing on physical affection, like giving hugs, isn’t just about offering comfort. It’s about laying down a foundation of emotional connection that helps the child grow. By doing this, we’re working towards healthier, more secure, and emotionally intelligent future generations,” she adds.
So, hugs won’t just soothe a crying baby, they’ll help your child to make life decisions and dictate how they deal with relationships in the future!
