On-off lover can’t decide if she wants hot sex or just to be friends

DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman I’m with can’t decide what she wants.

One minute I’m in the friend zone and the next we are having hot sex.

I have known her for two years and during this time we’ve become extremely close.

We regularly spend time together. She has a son aged three and I love hanging out with him, too.

I read him stories, cook for him and put him to bed – all the things a father does.

I’m 34 and my friend is 31. I admitted how I felt about her but she said she had no sexual attraction towards me.

Then a few months later we’d had a great day and she told me she has feelings for me.

We ended up having sex. She then told me she loved me but a few days later turned cold again.

I sometimes think it’s a game she plays or she simply doesn’t know what she wants. I feel really hurt and confused.

I am trying my hardest to support both of them the best I can, but sometimes I feel that no matter what I do, it isn’t enough.

I’ve asked her why she sleeps with me occasionally if she doesn’t have feelings for me.

She says she feels comfortable around me and I’m brilliant with her son.

DEIDRE SAYS: She is treating you as a glorified babysitter. You deserve better than this.

Your friend is using you. Ask yourself why, if you get on so well and clearly enjoy sex together, she has never wanted a proper relationship.

She may have had a bad past relationship which may explain why she’s unable to form a close and trusting bond with you.

A really good friend wouldn’t treat you like this. She sounds very self-centred.

If she’s only offering friendship, with occasional sex and knows you want more, then she’s not for you. Get out and socialise again.