“One of these days,” Cy the Cynic told me in disgust, “I’m going to pluck those spectacles right off her nose and deposit them in the nearest trash-compactor.”
Minnie Bottoms, my club’s senior member at 82, wears an ancient pair of bifocals, held together with tape, that make her mix up kings and jacks, often to her opponents’ dismay. Cy has been Minnie’s chief victim.
“What’s happened now?” I asked wearily.
Cy said he had lost the morning duplicate game, and the accompanying jackpot, because of today’s deal. Minnie had been South, and she and her partner got to six hearts. I’m not sure what North’s raise to five hearts was supposed to mean or why Minnie went on to slam.
“I was East,” Cy related, “and my partner led the jack of clubs. Minnie took dummy’s ace and next led … a low spade! I put up the queen, and Minnie followed with the jack. I then led a diamond — and Minnie insisted that it was her lead.”
“She thought her jack of spades was the king,” I laughed.
“We got her straightened out,” the Cynic said. “She took the ace of diamonds, ruffed a club, led a trump to her hand and ruffed a club. Then she drew trumps and ran the spades for 12 tricks: four trumps in her hand, the ace of clubs and ace of diamonds, two club ruffs in dummy and four spades.
“Unless Minnie concedes an early spade,” Cy said sourly, “the timing is wrong, and she goes down. She and her glasses played double-dummy, as usual, and she stuck us with a zero result.”
No opening lead would beat the slam.
South dealer
N-S vulnerable
NORTH
S A K 7 5 2
H J 10 8 4
D J 10 3
C A
WEST
S 9 8
H 7 5 3
D K 7 5 4
C J 10 9 7
EAST
S Q 10 6
H 6 2
D Q 9 8 2
C K 8 5 3
SOUTH
S J 4 3
H A K Q 9
D A 6
C Q 6 4 2
South West North East
1 NT Pass 2 C Pass
2 H Pass 5 H Pass
6 H All Pass
Opening lead — C J
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