My sporty girlfriend is constantly called a ‘man’, it’s so sad and disappointing
DEAR DEIDRE: EVERYONE thinks I’m dating a man – as my girlfriend looks very masculine.
She is 25, like me, and is actually gorgeous, with a sporty and strong look, which I love.
Since her latest very short hairstyle, everyone has been asking why I’m dating a lesbian or a man.
One former friend even told me they were convinced she is trans and was being dishonest with me.
A couple of weeks ago we were in the pub and I could hear a table nearby debating whether we were a gay couple or heterosexual.
We have been together for four years and I know categorically she is all woman.
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My girlfriend has been on the receiving end of similar comments at work and was so upset she went to HR.
Now some of her colleagues are facing disciplinary action and she’s been completely ostracised at work “for not being able to take a joke”.
We’ve had to cut off various friends, some of whom I’ve known since my school days.
It’s all so sad and disappointing.
We’re in a committed relationship and we love each other. Our relationship is being affected and we should be able to focus on bigger issues.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s totally understandable that these comments are insulting and offensive to you and your partner.
There is nothing funny about being harassed and bullied, which is what these constant comments amount to.
There are many people who choose an androgynous look, so it’s disappointing when some can’t accept anything other than a feminine look.
Would your girlfriend be able to talk to HR and suggest they run some workshops to raise awareness of how bullying affects people.
It’s difficult to change friendship groups but try to see getting rid of these cruel former friends as the first step.
The more exciting part is meeting new people who are supportive and won’t want to put either of you down.
The important bit is that you know your relationship is strong and you can get through this together.
If either of you would like to talk to someone in confidence, you can contact themix.org.uk, who help people 25 and under.