'I was very sad, but at least he had a beautiful passage.'
A grieving family propped up their beloved father in his favourite chair so they could have ‘one last chat’ with him at his wake.
Quirino da Silva Souza died last week aged 95, after being bedridden for the last decade of his life due to severe Alzheimer’s.
A retired carpenter living in Brazil, Quirino was looked after by his daughter Flávia da Silva and a hired carer in the last years of his life.
After his death, Flávia realised she wanted to do something that would help the family to heal and celebrate life during the wake.
The 51-year-old explained: ‘He spent his last 10 years in bed. At the time of his death, I wanted to surprise my family by creating a familiar, harmonious environment.
‘This idea came up and it worked really well, there wasn’t a sad atmosphere at the wake.’
Flávia said her father had been weak for some time, but noticed he was struggling more than usual on February 28.
She took him to hospital, where doctors found just 45% of his organs were functioning properly. They warned Flávia that her father didn’t have long to live, and he died the next day.
Flávia said: ‘My father was a very hard-working man, he never drank, never smoked.
‘He practically died in my arms, I was very sad, but at least he had a beautiful passage.’
Quirino’s wake took place in the tribute room at the Paz Universal Funeral home on March 1.
He was dressed in a shirt and tie and propped up in a chair to be with his family members one last time.
Paz Universal Funeral’s executive director Wanderley Rodrigues said the body was then removed from the funeral home before being placed in a coffin and buried in a traditional way.
He said: ‘The company is 45 years old and this is the first wake we’ve done like this.
‘I’m not aware of anything similar ever taking place in Brazil. It’s more common in the US and some European countries, but here in Brazil, as far as I know, it is the first.’
While death is the great equaliser that awaits us all one day, humans have many different way to cope with grief.
In Ireland, it is normal for wakes to be held the day before a funeral, with the deceased laying in an open coffin in their home.
Friends and family come to pay their respects, drink tea and eat cake, to witness the final transition between life and death.
Psychology consultant Bayu Prihandito says there is no ‘ideal’ way to deal with death – all that matters is creating an environment where the bereaved feel supported, understood and allowed to express emotion without judgment.
‘The emotional and mental well-being of the grieving is the priority, rather than strictly adhering to certain societal norms or traditions,’ the founder of Life Architekture tells Metro.co.uk.
Indonesia
The Toraja people of Indonesia’s Sulawesi region practice a unique ritual called ‘Ma’nene’, which sees families exhume their dead and clean the body before redressing it in new clothes.
The ritual reflects the importance of family in Toraja culture, and the unbreakable bond between the living and their departed loved one.
India
In Hindu traditions in India, a priest is called when a person is approaching death. Family and friends chant mantras as the dying are transferred to a grass mat and a drop of water from the sacred Ganges river is poured into their mouth.
Loved ones pray for the soul for 12 days, in the hope of it going safely from the body to the afterlife.
Those living close to the holy river are then bathed there before cremation. The ashes are scattered back into the water as a symbol of the cyclical nature of life and death.
Madagascar
On the island of Madagascar, grieving families ‘dance with the dead’. The burial tradition of the Malagasy people instructs tombs to be opened every few years so that bodies can be rewrapped in new clothes.
Each time the dead are redressed, they’re also paraded to music outside the tomb, a ritual designed to speed decomposition and thus their journey to the afterlife.
Sharon Jenkins, bereavement counsellor at Marie Curie, agrees there’s no ‘perfect’ process.
‘I see a lot of families who feel they can’t grieve properly until they’ve had the funeral, the symbolic goodbye,’ she says.
‘Evidence shows that community support is the most effective in managing grief, and those who have people around them are less likely to access counselling.’
And there are plenty of weird and wonderful ways people choose to mark their deaths.
One person had a conga line at their funeral, while another woman stipulated in her will that she wanted a group of male strippers to perform a Magic Mike-style show in front of mourners.
Many also choose to plan out their funerals long before their deaths – with Katie Cosgrove planning a two-day event where every attendee is given some of her ashes to take home with them.
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