By Jim Koury
Wikipedia defines “empowerment” as “increasing the spiritual, political, social, or economic strength of individuals and communities. It often involves the empowered developing confidence in their capacities.” Empowerment is a term that is often used too much and has become cliché. Yet, at the same time, it is a concept that best describes many situations.
Many children grow up feeling empowered by their parents and others who continually strive to instill confidence to think beyond their means and current conditions. They want to see their children achieve excellence and become all they wish to be.
Sadly, the converse is true in many cases, where countless children are criticized and made fun of because of specific disabilities or other impediments that scar their psyche forever. They grow up feeling inadequate, insecure, and with a fatalistic sense that nothing will get better for them because their parents told them so. There is little empowering force in their lives, and they often turn to influences that are not the best avenue for them to take, but they help them cope and deal with the garbage put into their heads for so long by people who allegedly loved them.
The latter scenario exacerbates the situation when children are LGBTQ. Often, it is challenging for an LGBTQ person to feel empowered when society is constantly telling them that they are abnormal and when our government does not repeal and continues to pass legislation that discriminates against LGBTQ individuals. When one is considered a second-class citizen by the government and others, it is hard to find the motivation to develop confidence in oneself to seek and find a higher purpose. But to that end, we must, despite the obstacles.
Growing up in the 60s and being a teenager in the 70s was especially difficult for me. While I had not yet even come close to admitting to myself I was gay, I knew something was awry inside and that things were different with me. Something was lurking within, but I had no idea what it was then. All I knew was that I had feelings and desires for other boys and not the girls. These feelings frightened me, and I buried it all deep within, but it would always rear its head with a vengeance once again. It never goes away. It lurks beneath the surface, awaiting another opportunity to do more damage. How can a young, impressionable child and developing adolescent feel empowered when hiding something they know would not be acceptable with society and, more importantly, possibly with their families? Trust me, it was NOT pleasant at all.
Dire consequences ensue for an LGBTQ individual who does not feel empowered. It results in a feeling of helplessness, creating anxiety and unresolved internal conflict. It also creates guilt due to the lack of motivation to help further the cause of equality, thus causing one to simply sit on the sidelines and let external forces dictate what they should be and how they should function in society.
The basic premise of the concept of empowerment is “power.” We all have the power to change and create situations that will increase our “spiritual, political, social or economic strength.” There is a point in our lives when we must empower ourselves proactively. We do not have to, nor can we settle for someone else telling us who we shall be and what rights we shall and shall not have. The challenge, of course, is mustering up the courage and fortitude to step out of the shadows and change and create those situations in our lives that achieve the ends of “spiritual, political, social or economic strength.”
How does one create empowerment in one’s life? We must all decide what is important to us and then live harmoniously with those things. We must be willing to speak what we hold and not care about what others think. We must make decisions based on our values and what we feel is important rather than what others think is essential. We must not settle for less than what we deserve to make us happy.
In my case, the journey to where I am now has been a long, hard one, with many troughs of desperation and helplessness. I had no clue what made me happy (I’m not sure I do yet, but I am getting there). Luckily, for whatever reason, the universe has shone its light on me and enlightened my consciousness to evolve and grow beyond what I used to be. Contentment and peace are more often part of my psyche now than the alternative based on fear and darkness. I look back at the Jim Koury of my teens and 20s, and I do not even recognize that boy! It is a vague and distant representation of the person I am now. While I have many troughs to plow out of, I can always see an empowering light beckoning me forward.
Taken in aggregate, we can begin to create an environment in which a wave of change may overpower those who desire to maintain the status quo and relegate LGBTQ individuals to second-class status.
Have confidence in your capacity to change. Empower yourself, and if it applies, empower your queer!
Jim is the author of two books, Unredacted and Soul Journey, and also publishes an online publication, Diversity Rules Magazine. He resides in Upstate New York in the city where he was born, with his dog Lina and cat Critter.
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