DEAR DEIDRE: I have a love/hate relationship with my wife because she is constantly searching for her next sex partner.
She never made a secret of the fact she has a high libido. It’s one of the things I love about her.
Before we had children, we enjoyed a couple of threesomes and tried a bit of voyeurism, but once she got pregnant things changed for me — I didn’t want to see the mother of my child banging other people.
I’m a man of 37 and she’s 35. We’ve been together for ten years and have two children. I know my wife has cheated on me with other men and recently I caught her romping with a female friend.
It feels like anyone with a pulse is fair game for her.
She often has friends over when I work away, saying she needs a little adult company after the kids have gone to bed.
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Initially, I thought they were just catching up but now I know she was having sex with them.
I suspected she wasn’t being faithful when I saw her tagged in pictures on Facebook where she looked very cosy with people on nights out.
A friend told me he’d seen her snogging two different guys on the same night.
Last Friday she had a female friend stay over. When I returned early, they were so flushed, it was clear I had interrupted them on the sofa.
I’ve realised she’s been cheating constantly and I feel like one big fool for not seeing it.
Should I put up with it and wait until the kids are grown up, or leave now? Why am I not enough?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Sex addicts enjoy any sort of cheap thrill, often to the detriment of their partners.
This tension between you will be damaging for your children too.
Find a moment when the kids aren’t around and tell her you need to talk. Explain that you know what’s been going on and make it clear you’re not going to accept this any longer.
Arrange to see a counsellor through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975), which provides online sessions.
If she wants to save your marriage, she must unpick the causes behind her addiction and try to change.
But she’ll definitely need support and talking to a counsellor with you would be a good start. My support pack Sex Addictions explains more.
