DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I retired from the NHS my wife was so excited to finally have me to herself, so she wasn’t too pleased when I became obsessed with researching one of the most famous unsolved murders in history.
Now she’s insisting she’ll leave me unless I stop looking into it, but at this point, I’m not sure I can.
The last thing I want is to lose her, but this case means too much to me to just give up.
I’m 66, my wife is 62 and we’ve been together for 32 years.
Admittedly, for the majority of our relationship, I have been married to my work. I loved being part of a big team and often took on overtime.
While my wife understood how demanding my work could be, it still had a negative impact on our relationship.
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With all the long hours and unconventional shift times, my wife couldn’t wait until the day I retired.
Yet when push came to shove I hated the quiet life and began looking into a famous cold case.
At first, it was only for fun, but it didn’t take long before I started spending all my time researching it.
Now my wife is threatening to divorce me if I don’t stop, but I’m on the cusp of figuring it out.
I know she deserves more time from me, but without my work, I’ll be miserable.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s understandable that your wife is unhappy with your newfound hobby.
It’s likely that she had been looking forward to spending quality time with you and is now left unhappy and disappointed.
Perhaps, instead of giving up something you enjoy, you could limit your time in a way that keeps both of you happy.
Whether that’s one day a week or an hour a day – discuss it with your wife and find a happy medium.
I’m sending you my support pack Looking After Your Relationship to help.
