If you’re like a lot of people, having to tell a colleague that their work isn’t good enough makes you anxious. It can feel awkward to give criticism, even when it’s constructive — and even if you’re a manager whose job it is to have those conversations. But if you approach it in the right way, providing feedback and asking for changes doesn’t have to be unpleasant for either of you. Here’s how to do it.
Remember that giving and receiving corrections at work is normal.
It’s both common and accepted to need to make tweaks to a project or the way someone approaches their work. After all, none of us are mind readers and so can’t assume everyone’s on the same page initially about how a project should play out. None of us are perfect either, and we make mistakes or have room for growth. Corrective feedback isn’t a referendum on anyone’s value as a person — it’s just an expected part of the process of improving work.
Put yourself in your co-worker’s shoes.
If you’re feeling anxious about giving someone feedback, put yourself in their shoes. Do you resent your own manager when she asks you to approach something differently? Or does it feel like a pretty routine interaction? (It should be the latter, assuming your manager doesn’t handle feedback like a jerk.) Plus, you probably want to know how you can improve your work and wouldn’t appreciate someone withholding important feedback from you out of fear of awkwardness — thus leaving you to repeat the same mistake or underperform over and over. Assume that whoever you need to deliver feedback to also appreciates knowing how to make their work better. (If it turns out they don’t, that’s a separate issue. But these conversations will nearly always go better when you start by assuming the person will appreciate the input rather than treating it like a land mine you’re nervous to approach.)
This is important for everyone, but it’s especially crucial for managers. You can’t shy away from giving your employees feedback if you’re the one in charge; you have a professional and ethical obligation to talk to them about where they stand and how they could improve.
Be thoughtful about your timing.
Reviews can be sensitive, so you should think about your timing. If someone is having a rough day or a bad week, or if they’re clearly frazzled and focused on a higher priority, wait until they’re in a more receptive place. That said, make sure you don’t wait forever. Some bad weeks turn into bad months and, of course, certain feedback is time-sensitive and can’t be put on hold. But if the circumstances allow for it, being emotionally intelligent about your timing can help the feedback land more easily.
No one wants a feedback sandwich.
If you’ve ever read a management book, you’ve probably heard of the “feedback sandwich,” a method where you sandwich criticism in between two compliments. The idea is that by praising the person at the start and end, you’ll make it easier for them to swallow. It’s a bad technique. Don’t use it! For one, people will pick up on what you’re doing and in the future your praise will seem insincere. People will also start bracing for criticism every time you compliment them. Plus, if you bury your real message in the middle of the conversation, it can get lost.
Be matter-of-fact.
The person you’re giving feedback to is likely to take their cues from you. If you sound nervous or uncomfortable, or like you fear a bad reaction, they’re much more likely to respond as if it is a fraught and unpleasant conversation — after all, why else would you be so tense? Because of that, your tone is crucial. Keep your tone matter-of-fact — as if this is just like any other work conversation (because it is). Think of the tone you’d use to say “hmmm, the printer needs more paper,” or “could you grab that call for me so I’m not late to my meeting?” You want a similar feel here.
By approaching the conversation matter-of-factly, you’ll convey that this is standard, it’s not the end of the person’s career, and they definitely don’t need to hide in the bathroom for the rest of the day.
And truly, you should want giving feedback to be routine, because regular evaluation leads to better work outcomes and will make the person you’re giving it to less stressed about receiving it. Feedback shouldn’t be rare, or reserved for a Big Deal Meeting with a box of tissues carefully placed on the table between you.
Put the feedback in context.
You don’t want to go into the conversation thinking you’re making a minor correction and have the other person leave thinking their whole project was a disaster. Conversely, you don’t want them to leave thinking a critique is trivial if in fact it’s quite serious. So make sure that you put the feedback in context. If it’s minor, say so, and explain that the rest of the work was good. If it’s a big deal, don’t berate them, but make sure that your words convey the significance of the problem. If there are potential consequences in play, be transparent about those, whether it’s “handling it like X instead of Y will give you more credibility with clients” or “I’d need to see you managing X differently before we could consider you for the promotion we talked about.”
Be clear about what should change.
It might sound obvious, but a surprising amount of feedback is vague — “this is wrong” or “this needs to be better” — without explaining specifically where the problem is and what should change. Often that happens because you’re unconsciously assuming the other person has the same mental frame of reference that you do, which can lead to using shorthand like “this draft needs to be more polished” or “make this more punchy.” It might be totally clear to you what you mean by that, but the person you’re talking to might have a different idea (or no idea). So be explicit about what you’re looking for. For example, instead of “more polished,” you might say, “Before you send me a draft, can you make sure it’s fact-checked, proofread, formatted correctly, and ready to send out?”
It’s also smart to check to make sure the other person understands the feedback the way you intend. Especially if it’s fairly complex, it can help to end the conversation with something like, “To make sure we’re both on the same page, do you want to run through your takeaways for the next draft so we can both make sure we covered everything?” It’s amazing how often doing this will reveal an area where you’re not aligned or something got missed.
Be open to the other person’s perspective.
Feedback shouldn’t be a lecture or a monologue. It should be a discussion, and it’s important to listen to the other person’s perspective. They might tell you something that changes your mind, and you don’t want to be so committed to your initial assessment that you don’t hear it when they do.
Find even more career advice from Alison Green on her website, Ask a Manager. Got a question for her? Email askaboss@nymag.com (and read our submission terms here).
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