DEAR DEIDRE: My boyfriend wants me to move in with him but he won’t allow me to see my friends.
We live an hour apart and have known one another for almost a year after meeting online.
I don’t drive, so it means he has to do all the running around. He works away but comes to see me one night a week and sometimes stays over.
I’m 32 and have some mental health problems. My friends support me, especially when my boyfriend is away.
He’s 38 and wants me to move in with him “to make life easier”.
I don’t want to leave my friends, or my mum, who lives nearby. When pals come to see me, he gets annoyed.
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I’d been in hospital recently and, when I got home, he turned up unexpectedly. At the same time, my best friend had called in for a cuppa and a chat.
He saw her, turned on his heel and left. That time, he didn’t speak to me for almost two weeks.
I keep reading about partners being controlling. Is my boyfriend trying to control me?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Yes. Alarm bells are ringing for me. He’s dating you – he doesn’t own you.
Any partnership should be based on trust. Why would your friends be a threat to your relationship?
Having friendships outside of any relationship is important for both of you. He has no right to tell you who you can and cannot see.
Your friends support you when you’re low, but does he?
As he works away during the week, wouldn’t it make more sense for him to move closer to you?
You will soon see how invested he is in your relationship if you ask him to consider that.
Control is a form of abuse and not every abuser is violent. Check out womensaid.org.uk for more information, or call The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (nationaldahelpline.org.uk, 0808 2000 247) for further advice.
