The Ten Declarations are inscribed on two tablets. The first contains laws that govern our interaction with God. The second deals with interpersonal relationships. Why, then, is the commandment “honor your father and your mother” found on the tablet that deals with our connection to God? (Exodus 20:12).
Nachmanides notes that the child-parent relationship is unique, as one can have only one biological mother and father. Hence, the mitzvah of honoring parents intersects with the mitzvah of honoring God. Just as there is only one God, so too does one have only a single set of parents. In fact, in Jewish law, the laws of how to respect parents parallel the way one honors God (Nachmanides, Exodus 20:12).
Samson Raphael Hirsch offers a different suggestion. “Through father and mother, God gives the child not only physical existence” but also the knowledge of “the Jewish mission,” i.e., the spiritual message of Judaism. After recording the commandments regarding God and the Sabbath, which remind us that God is the source of all creativity, the Torah tells us to honor our parents, as they are best positioned to teach their children about God and His revelation. This idea speaks eloquently to the importance not only of biological parents but of adoptive and stepparents as well.
For this reason, when we lose a parent, the laws of mourning are more intense than after the loss of other relatives. For example, the mourning period for a parent is one year, not thirty days; the Kaddish is recited for eleven months, not thirty days; and the garment rent for parents is on the left side (the side closer to the heart) and not the right.
Perhaps these heightened mourning rituals reflect not only the intensity of loss but an expression of gratitude, both to our parents, without whom we would not be alive, and to our parents for teaching us Jewish values. Indeed, we owe thanks to our parents – even those with whom we have complicated or difficult relationships – in ways we do not owe thanks to anyone else.
Thus, the placement of the mitzvot of honoring parents and honoring God on the same side of the tablets is deeply purposeful, as honoring parents intersects with honoring God (Kiddushin 30a).
Candle lighting:
Yitro parsha
February 2 at 5:48 p.m.
