After having a baby, my self-confidence has plummeted
DEAR DEIDRE: Since I gave birth 18 months ago, I no longer feel sexy.
I used to enjoy dressing up in lacy lingerie for my partner but now if I do that I feel ridiculous. I seem to have lost all my confidence.
I’m 32 and have a baby daughter. My partner is 30.
Before I got pregnant, I absolutely loved getting down and dirty with him.
We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and I felt totally comfortable being naked or wearing skimpy knickers and suspenders.
Like most couples, it took a while to start having sex again after childbirth, especially as we were both so tired.
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But it’s now been over a year and I still haven’t got my mojo back.
It’s hard to switch from being a mum covered in tomato sauce to being a lover. I’ve only just stopped breastfeeding too, so my boobs feel like they belong to my daughter.
Part of the problem is that I don’t like my new body, with its wobbly belly and bigger thighs. My partner says I’m still gorgeous but I feel embarrassed when he looks at me.
I worry he’ll just laugh!
I’ve stopped initiating sex because I don’t feel attractive. But even when he comes on to me, it feels like I’m going through the motions.
There’s no spontaneity anymore and I can tell he’s frustrated and feels rejected.
I really love him and don’t want this to spoil our relationship. Please help.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Many parents struggle with a loss of identity after having a baby.
Your priorities have changed and you’ve got used to putting your child’s needs first.
Your body has changed too – not just in appearance but in its function. It’s not just about your own pleasure anymore.
The good news is you can find your self-confidence and feel like a sexy woman again.
Give yourself time and don’t put yourself under pressure to be ‘sexy’. Have sex with the lights off for now if it’s more comfortable.
Talk to your partner so he understands and doesn’t feel shut out.
Read my support packs on Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive and Sex Problems After A Baby.
Think about taking a romantic weekend away together, where you’ll feel more like your old self, without the baby to distract you.