My family can’t forgive my girlfriend for what she did to me
DEAR DEIDRE: My girlfriend and I got back together after she cheated on me – but now everyone is against us.
They just won’t forgive her and don’t care that I’m happier than ever.
I now feel like I have to choose between the woman I love and my friends and family, and it isn’t fair.
I’m 48 and my girlfriend is 42. We have been together for six years.
I have two children from a previous relationship, who live with their mum.
A year ago, my girlfriend and I went through a bad patch. She ended up having a one-night stand with an ex.
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She admitted it to me and we briefly separated.
I was very hurt and, perhaps stupidly in retrospect, I told my close friends and relatives what she’d done.
But then we both realised how much we missed and loved each other, and that we wanted to be together.
So we agreed to try again and I asked her to move back in.
My friends all told me that I was crazy.
My mum told me I was stupid and that she would cheat again.
But worst of all, my children, who are aged 13 and 15, said they hated my girlfriend for hurting me and that they wouldn’t see her.
If she moved back in, they wouldn’t come round to see me, or ever stay with me again.
I don’t know what to do. I just want everyone to be happy, but that doesn’t seem possible.
My girlfriend and I have been talking and ironing out all our problems.
I’m confident that she won’t do it again.
Why can’t the people I love accept that my girlfriend is human and made a mistake?
I’m the one who was betrayed and if I can forgive her, then surely they should too.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your family and friends care about you and are trying to protect you.
They saw how hurt you were by your girlfriend’s betrayal, and they don’t want to you to go through it all again.
But this is your life. And, ultimately, they do need to accept that.
They may need more time. Make it clear you haven’t simply forgotten what your girlfriend did, but are dealing with it together.
Talk to your children and explain that sometimes grown-ups make mistakes.
Perhaps it would help if your girlfriend talked to them too and explained how sorry she is.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? contains some useful advice about moving on from an affair.