A man went to rehab six times for meth addiction. When he finally worked on healing his relationship with his parents, he was able to get sober.
Courtesy of Taron Sargsyan
At 18, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom I'm gay. She didn't take the news well and told my dad the next day. They immediately believed my sexuality was a choice I made and that my friends turned me gay. My younger self couldn't understand how one small detail about my life could make me feel so unworthy of their love.
The environment at home became tense, awkward, and depressing. I didn't feel the same level of closeness with my family anymore. I was hoping that by removing my mask, my bond with my family would strengthen, but I was naive. Instead, the experience made me feel like a failure because I wasn't the straight son my parents expected me to be.
Their rejection eventually forced me to surround myself with people who offered me acceptance, love, and validation — things I didn't feel I was getting from my family anymore. At 22, I started hanging out with a group of people who gave me a sense of belonging, but they also used drugs.
I began using meth and other drugs regularly. After a year and a half, I started injecting meth. My resentment toward my parents and my coming-out trauma fueled my addiction.
After an incident at Disney, where I worked, I decided to seek professional help and checked into rehab. Ultimately, I went to rehab six times, but the programs didn't take into account my family dynamics and the environment I was returning to afterward.
On July 18, 2018, at 26, I was admitted to the psych ward and put on a 14-day involuntary hold after experiencing drug-induced psychosis. After a 10-day stay, I was transferred to a dual-diagnosis rehab to continue through the different levels of care. This time, I didn't return home to my family after rehab. Instead, I stayed in sober-living houses and eventually moved out on my own.
Moving away from home and my parents was necessary for me to learn coping skills and process my traumas away from a triggering environment. I spent the first six months of sobriety trying different types of therapy to analyze and treat the root causes of my addiction. The dual-diagnosis rehab and intensive outpatient programs gave me the tools I needed to view my addiction through a more compassionate and understanding lens.
Therapy helped me discover truths about my past. It helped me realize that I never took into account my parents' upbringing and their conservative Armenian culture. I also didn't understand how much pain I caused my family by living with them during my active addiction. My parents didn't know if the next phone call was going to be from the cops or the hospital telling them I had died from an overdose. It was a traumatic time for them.
After these revelations, I started feeling guilty for my actions. Although my coming-out trauma fueled my addiction journey, I also played a role by making the decision to say yes to drugs. Even though my parents caused me immense pain, they still offered me shelter and love. I just didn't know how to accept their love after their rejection. I wanted to heal the rift in our relationship, but I didn't know where to start yet.
A year into my sobriety, I was no longer fulfilled by my software-engineering job at Disney. I had a big dream I wanted to pursue. In August 2019, I quit my job, but I was too optimistic about the timing of my dream. Suddenly, I couldn't afford my rent, my car payment, or my other bills. I felt the universe was nudging me to where I needed to be, so I asked my parents if they would let me move back in with them. Therapy had prepared me for this.
My parents welcomed me back with open arms. After almost losing their son to addiction, their hearts had softened. They were just happy to have me back in their lives again. Returning home gave me the perfect opportunity to start healing our relationship. It also showed me that our relationship was worth saving.
Over the past four years, we have grown stronger and closer by setting healthy boundaries.
My family and I also took mutual accountability for the pain we had caused one another. We found a newer, healthier relationship rooted in compassion and understanding. My parents finally know who their gay son is, and I finally feel accepted and loved for who I am.
Since August 2019, I haven't relied on peer support groups or therapy to maintain my sobriety while living in the same environment that used to be my primary source of triggers. I learned that addiction doesn't have to be a lifelong disease. To properly heal from addiction, I had to heal my trauma with my parents.
