Laurie Kilmartin Does the Best Revisionist History
As the author of the 2012 New York Times best-selling book Sh*tty Mom: The Parenting Guide for the Rest of Us, comedian and former Conan writer Laurie Kilmartin is no stranger to mining material from the trials of parenting. It should come as no surprise to her fans, then, that one of the best bits on her upcoming stand-up special, Cis Woke Grief Slut, is about her misguided decision to read her son, then 10 years old, The Diary of Anne Frank. “At about page ten, she gets her period,” Kilmartin says. “We all know what menstruation is. It’s no big deal to us. But to watch a 10-year-old boy hear about it for the very first time …” She kisses her fingers like a satisfied chef, then continues: “If you don’t have kids, go to a park tomorrow. Please. Treat yourselves. Find some little boys and read a Judy Blume book out loud. They will run right into traffic.” Her mortified son looked back up at her and said, “I hope no more bad things happen to Anne Frank.”
In that moment, Kilmartin decided to give Anne the happy ending she deserved. In Kilmartin’s telling of events, Anne moves to America, marries singer-songwriter James Taylor, and opens the successful clothing store Ann Taylor Loft to “honor her time in the attic.” She pauses, then tags the joke with a line she didn’t use when she did this bit on The Late Late Show With James Corden in 2021: “That joke hits on two levels, guys. Both upper.” It’s a perfect Kilmartin joke, balancing dark subject material with whimsical twists and technical precision. Cis Woke Grief Slut — which covers everything from her experience being doxxed by conservatives to being roasted by Black Twitter to her mom’s death from COVID — is full of them. Check out the special when it debuts via Comedy Dynamics on January 30.
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