My husband keeps accusing me of cheating but I think he is the unfaithful one
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband constantly accuses me of cheating on him.
I’m only just beginning to realise it’s a smokescreen for what I think is his sex addiction.
He’s always had a high sex drive and wandering eyes.
All the signs have been there that he’s cheated on me throughout our 30-year relationship but I chose to turn a blind eye — until recently.
We are both 51 and met at a party. For me, it was love at first sight and I’ve never had sex with anybody but him.
We’ve had rough patches of course. During one period my friends encouraged me to leave him — they told me he was cheating and had even made passes at them.
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I was hurt but the kids were young and I just hoped that while he was unfaithful, I was the one he wanted and loved.
Recently he opened a Facebook account because he’s a committee member for our Neighbourhood Watch scheme. Since then, he’s been so secretive over his phone.
I asked him outright if he was interested in somebody else and it was as if all that pent up emotion came out in one big rage.
He said, “Me? Me? What about you? I’ve seen you flirting with the window cleaner. I’ve seen you staring when the guy across the way starts his car.”
We’re barely speaking now, yet he’s the one acting suspiciously, not me.
He comes in from work and smirks when he knows the window cleaner has been round.
I can’t even go near the front curtains because he waggles his finger at me saying I’m giving the come-on to our neighbours.
But he’s on his phone, texting goodness knows who. He even takes it into the bathroom.
I can’t live like this. I’ve asked him to come to counselling but he refuses. We are in such a mess.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re at stalemate so you have to do something pro-active otherwise your future will be miserable.
He is trying to deflect attention from his own bad behaviour, by creating a scene around you, so don’t rise to it.
Stay calm and let him know that you are worried about your marriage and him.
If he won’t go to counselling, it doesn’t mean you can’t go.
He may decide to join you. Contact tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975), which has an online service for couples or individuals.