I’m isolated at Christmas, how do I make friends?

DEAR DEIDRE: I have always struggled to make friends but I must admit that Christmas is the most difficult time of all. 

I’m 23 and very shy. I live on my own and although there are plenty of people I can say a polite ‘hello’ to, I can’t say I have any good friends. 

I’m an only child and my parents aren’t sociable people. We didn’t have friends or family visit us at home when I was growing up.

They would constantly criticise me and put me down which I realise is partly why I don’t have a great deal of confidence.

Despite that I did manage to do well at school and got good exam grades. I have a good job now working in IT. My work colleagues do accept me, but I haven’t made any real friends. 

I’m dreading Christmas day as I know I’ll spend all morning alone, then will pop around for a depressing lunch with mum and dad before returning back home alone again.

How do I start to make some real friends?

DEIDRE SAYS: I’m sorry that you are feeling isolated. A lot of people assume that only the elderly suffer with loneliness but we know people of all ages struggle with this issue. 

You do sound low so it will take some real resourcefulness to dig deep and motivate yourself to take some positive steps that can help you towards meaningful connections.

It does take more effort to develop social skills if you were raised in a home that was very inward looking but it is totally doable.

Many pubs are open on Christmas day so pop in for a half and a chat with serving staff or other punters – being around others lightens our mood.

Even if you aren’t religious, going to church on Christmas day gives you a great opportunity to have a friendly chat with others.

In the longer term, think about volunteering. There are so many community clubs and charities who need people to work with them. Reaching out will help build your confidence. 

Have a look today at opportunities through the Royal Voluntary Service (royalvoluntaryservice.org.uk), who have plenty of different charity projects listed.

You’ll interact more easily in a group with mutual interests because the focus is not simply on being sociable.

Have a look at Meetup (www.Meetup.com) for hobbies and interests where you would meet like minded people.

A walk in fresh air is a great way to lift your mood and if possible think about getting your own dog. They are a brilliant way to ensure you get regular exercise and meet other dog owners.

Also my support packs Raising Self Esteem and Widen Your Social Circle will give you plenty of ideas on how to raise your confidence and make new friendships.

And finally have a look at The Mix (themix.org.uk) who help under 25s. They have some fantastic loneliness resources and weekly group chats.

I really hope you can make some real and valuable changes to your life. You sound like a lovely person and with a little bit more confidence will have no problem making some good friends.