DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend frequently seeks fashion advice from me, but our styles are polar opposites.
While I appreciate her Plain Jane fashion sense, it’s drastically different from my own. I worry that my feedback might not be helpful, as my taste tends to be bolder and more eclectic.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I often opt for a neutral response, saying her outfits look “fine,” though they’re not something I’d personally wear.
Should I encourage her to explore a more daring style? Am I doing her a disservice by not being more candid?
I respect fashion as a personal expression, but I’m unsure what to say without hurting her feelings.
— No Fashion Sense
DEAR NO FASHION SENSE: The fact that your friend is asking you for fashion advice means she must be looking for input. She also seems to respect your opinion, perhaps because you have a clear fashion sense.
Respond to her by saying you think it’s great that she is exploring new fashion ideas, but you don’t know if you are the right person to guide her. Your style is completely different from hers; therefore, your suggestions will reflect your taste, not hers.
Admit that you are not certain about how to give fashion advice to someone whose style differs so much from yours.
She may want to go to a department store where there are free stylists who help clients pick out clothes. You should not volunteer to fulfill a role that will not likely work.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently found myself in a bit of a predicament that I hope you can help me navigate.
I was assigned to a group project at school, and as the deadline loomed closer, it became apparent that not everyone in the group was contributing equally. In fact, I ended up taking on the majority of the workload.
While I understand that group dynamics can be challenging, I’m concerned about how this might impact my overall workload at school, my stress levels and, ultimately, the success of the project.
I want to address this issue constructively without creating tension within the team.
How can I communicate my concerns to my teammates and ensure a more equitable distribution of responsibilities in the future?
— Off Balance
DEAR OFF BALANCE: Welcome to the world of group dynamics.
I had the same thing happen when I was in college. My best friend was in a group with me and didn’t do her part at all. I had to do hers and mine and step in with other group members. I was mad, but I did it.
And guess what? That wasn’t the last time that I had to pull others’ weight in a group situation. Is it fair? No. Is it real? Yes.
Know that you will find yourself in this situation again. You should work to build rapport with your team members and cheerlead to the best of your ability to keep folks inspired to get the work done. Consider it a political challenge, and try to ignite passion in your team to work hard to get the job done.
If you can inspire friendly competition, that may help, but be prepared to jump in and get stuff done if somebody drops the ball.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
