DEAR DEIDRE: I dread people asking me about my extended family because I haven’t been in contact with them for many years.
There was never any dramatic fall-out but we didn’t have anything in common and there were a few small disagreements, so the contact simply petered out.
I do sometimes feel guilty that I didn’t make more effort, but my family is huge and none of them bothered with me.
If there is a black sheep in the family then that’s me. Still, I feel it reflects badly on me, and when people see my discomfort they think less of me.
I’m a 62-year-old man and have been diagnosed with the early symptoms of dementia.
Now I wonder if I should get back in contact, as I’ve learned being in touch with family is believed to slow down or prevent onset of dementia.
I’m worried that after 20 years of zero contact it may be too late for me to reach out.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Losing contact with family members can be a painful experience.
Although you’ve lived a long time without any relationship, the fact you are writing to me shows this is playing on your mind.
Reconciliation might be possible but both sides have to be willing.
So try to manage your expectations in case you do not get the result you want.
You may find it helpful to take a look at standalone.org.uk.
This organisation supports people who have found themslves estranged from family members.
Research does suggest that being socially isolated is a contributory factor in dementia but there are other ways to combat this.
My support pack Widening Your Social Scene has lots of suggestions to try.
