DEAR DEIDRE: I’M furious after my brother asked my ex-husband to be a godfather to his new baby.
My brother is, and has always been, good friends with my now ex.
We’re all in our mid-thirties and met in high school.
I’ve never made a fuss about their friendship, as I didn’t feel there would be anything to gain from doing so.
But I’ve secretly always hoped that it would tail off with time.
Instead, they now seem to be closer than ever.
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My brother is over the moon with his new baby and planning a christening.
Instead of making it a quiet family occasion, he’s decided to have a big party and invite all his friends.
But I was dismayed when he mentioned my ex-husband would be godfather.
I’ve told my brother that if this is the case then I won’t attend the christening.
But he is confused and has said I’m causing a rift in the family, as my ex and I got divorced over a decade ago.
My brother has always been a serial cheat so I think he sympathises with my ex, and his current partner is really friendly with my ex’s girlfriend.
They all go on holiday together with our ten-year-old daughter, and my brother’s children.
Usually, I ignore all of this, as I realise my daughter benefits from holidays with her dad – even though I had a newborn when my husband was cheating on me.
But if my ex is my nephew’s godfather this would mean that both he and his woman would be even more involved in my family’s life.
I really can’t face spending more time with them. What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: It is totally understandable that you don’t want to socialise with your ex and the woman he cheated on you with.
Does your brother not realise the history?
If you don’t want to go, don’t put yourself through it.
But you could ask your brother if it’s possible to celebrate the christening another way, such as with a celebratory meal.
Surely he would understand your reluctance to spend the day with your ex-husband and his partner.
It would help you to talk this through with familylives.org.uk, who can help with any family issue.
And read my support pack How Counselling Can Help?
