DEAR DEIDRE: My girlfriend sneaks around and lies about messaging her exes.
It has destroyed the trust in our relationship, to the point where I felt sure she was having sex with at least one of them.
I’ve finally broken up with her but she is begging me to give her another chance.
I’m 29 and she’s 28. We had been dating for two years and living together for a year.
I knew she’d had several relationships before she met me.
I didn’t mind if she stayed friends with some of her exes. But I couldn’t take the lying.
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It started soon after we began living together.
She would be constantly on her phone, even in bed when she was supposed to be asleep.
Sometimes, she turned down sex with me, saying she was tired, but I could see the light of her phone glowing through the duvet, and hear her tapping away.
When I confronted her, she said her ex had just been dumped, and wasn’t coping.
She made me feel bad because she was being supportive to him.
So, I agreed to give her another chance. She promised not to sneak around, and we worked on rebuilding trust.
A couple of months ago, it started again.
She would make excuses to go for a walk, saying she needed to buy chocolate.
Once, I looked out of the window and saw she was standing in the street messaging someone.
Last weekend, I had enough and asked her what was going on. She admitted she had been talking to another ex.
And this time, they’d met “for coffee”.
I asked to see her phone. The messages were flirty with lots of xxxx.
She claimed it was all totally innocent. Just mates.
But I just can’t believe her — once the trust had gone I began imagining the worst.
Have I made the wrong decision in breaking up with her and moving out?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Trust is vital in a relationship, and your girlfriend has broken yours repeatedly.
Although she says nothing physical has happened with these men, she hid her interactions with them from you.
That rings alarm bells. If everything was so innocent, she wouldn’t need to do that.
Perhaps she gets a thrill from having their attention and interest.
It sounds like she isn’t mature enough for a serious relationship.
You deserve someone who is honest and committed.
I don’t think you have done the wrong thing in ending this relationship.
Time and space will help you to get over her.
My support pack, Moving On, should help you do this.
