I have a feeling my new husband won't appreciate my holiday spirit.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband has never been big on celebrating the holidays.
He does participate in them to appease me, but he shows little initiative or excitement when doing holiday-related tasks like decorating, wrapping gifts, choosing Christmas cards, etc.
This is our first Christmas together as a married couple, and I want it to be super special, but if I am the only one in the Christmas spirit, I’d rather not force him to enjoy it.
Should I try to make our first Christmas as a married couple one to remember, or should I just take it easy and relax because I’m not sure if he’ll appreciate my effort?
— Christmas Spirit
DEAR CHRISTMAS SPIRIT: Talk to your husband and make sure he knows how much you enjoy the holiday season.
Tell him what you like to do, and ask him if he will participate in any of it with you. Do not try to force him. Instead, learn his comfort zone and honor that.
You should continue with what you enjoy with gusto. Perhaps you can invite a girlfriend or a few other family members over to help you decorate.
As you grow together as a couple, you will discover how to balance out each other’s preferences and interests. You don’t have to enjoy everything equally. It is good when you make space for each other to be together without the pressure to be identical in your desires or interests.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage granddaughter, who is a junior in high school, and I are going through a period of disagreement. It seems like we can’t see eye to eye on anything lately.
We used to have a close and open relationship, but now it feels strained. We are politically divided, and she resents me for where I fall on the political spectrum. I want to find a way to bridge the gap and rebuild our connection.
How can I approach my granddaughter to have an open and honest conversation about our differences without further escalating the tension? I want to understand her perspective and work toward finding common ground.
— Chasm
DEAR CHASM: Young people typically go through a lot of physical and emotional growth during their teenage years. They can get dug in about their values and be hostile toward anyone who doesn’t share their beliefs.
What they need is validation that they have the right to their own ideas, even as you remind them that you get to have yours, too.
Make sure your granddaughter feels heard. Acknowledge that she has strong ideas, and encourage her to do research to learn more about her side of whatever the issues are as well as those of the opposing side.
Remind her that the beauty of this country is that we are supposed to be able to voice our opinions — no matter what they are, and feel safe.
Tell her that you hope the two of you can reach a safe and healthy space to air your beliefs, explore your differences and continue to love each other. You can also decide to table certain conversations when you recognize that you will never agree.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
