EASTENDERS has revealed the official list of potential Christmas Day murder victims – and there are a few surprises in there.
The BBC soap is ramping up speculation about the identity of the corpse we last saw in February’s flash-forward.
But who are they all and who will really die?
Are we even going to pretend that Phil is on this list to do anything other than make up the numbers?
Phil Mitchell is not going to die. He’s most certainly not going to die this Christmas anyway.
So if he does I shall eat several hats. But he’s not going to die.
The red flags surrounding Keanu at the moment make it seem like he’s at the centre of a communist rally.
Frankly the soap could have extras carrying big neon signs reading: “CHRISTMAS MURDER VICTIM” with a big arrow and it would be more subtle than what’s already been on screen.
Never has a character swore on his own life while lying as much as Keanu, or promised to always be around.
It’s like he’s got an actual death wish.
This would be a big risk. Jack is a long-standing character with a family and a returning daughter in the form of Penny.
But will she return because of her dad’s death?
The show has been heavily hinting that he’s about to have an affair with Stacey Slater which could destroy his marriage to Denise – the two women with blood and weapons on them in the flashforward.
So is Jack going to die and leave daughter Amy an orphan?
It’s squeaky bum time for Branning fans!
I know we’re meant to think of Ravi as a big scary villain but honestly – he’s killed fewer people than Dot Cotton.
He couldn’t even manage to finish off Eve Unwin – though that would be no small task for anyone given her violent tendencies.
Could Stacey kill him for murdering Eve (let’s pretend she’s actually dead)? Would Denise help?
It doesn’t seem like Ravi would be at the top of the EastEnders death club waiting list.
There are anticlimaxes and there are anticlimaxes but this would be the ultimate because simply no-one would care that he’s died.
People – even the fictional Panesars – struggle to care if he has a pulse at the best of times so it’s hard to see any big stories coming from his death.
From everything we’ve been told Nish is a genius who can manipulate and coercively control wife Suki – but she’s done far worse, so it’s just not believable.
And his death wouldn’t spark anything other than indifference so let’s not waste a big Christmas on him, eh?
Of all the seven suspects, Dean is the one fans want to watch die a slow and painful death.
His utterly vile actions to victim Linda Carter has been a rare misstep for this era of the soap.
Having Linda be forced to say she lied and that Dean never raped her was unnecessary, tasteless and seriously misjudged.
Killing Dean at Christmas in this way would cheapen the story – centring a rapist instead of the six strong women who should be front and centre.
He’s betrayed Kathy time and time again and nearly killed her grandchildren so his time is very much up.
The Sun has already revealed how Brian Conley has quit the show, three years after joining as Rocky – and it’s a shame.
But would Kathy really kill Rocky? She still loves him after everything he’s done – so we’re ruling him out as one of the main potentials.
You could probably discount all the above for all the tricks that soaps usually plan on fans.
Remember the suspects for Lucy Beale’s killing? Well surprise, it was her primary school age brother who did it, with the music box, in the living room.
So what’s stopping EastEnders doing the same thing this time?
Martin Fowler’s been strangely absent these last few months. Where’s Stacey’s stalker Theo after such a lowkey guilty-plea exit?
What about Callum Highway? He could always rush in to help, end up stabbed in a case of mistaken identity? That would give Ben something to cry about on the shoulder of Johnny Carter when he returns in the new year.
Whoever dies, and whoever kills them, all will be revealed on Christmas Day.
