DEAR DEIDRE: Regrets? I’ve had a few – in fact too many to mention. I regret the life choices I’ve made.
After years of supporting my husband’s work by raising our kids, I feel trapped with no way out.
I’m 49 and my husband is 51. Our children are now in their early 20s.
We met at university. I could have had a great career in design but instead I gave up work to be a housewife, while my husband earned the money as an architect.
His job meant we had to move halfway across the country, away from all my friends and family.
I’ve always hated living here and wish I had never left my home town.
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But we can’t move back because my husband owns a practice here, and all his contracts are local.
Anyway, it’s now been 15 years. My friends have their own lives and have moved on.
It wasn’t so bad when the kids were younger but now that they’ve left home I feel so unfulfilled, bored and miserable.
I lie in bed at night unable to sleep, thinking about what could have been.
I also fantasise about other men sometimes – ex-boyfriends who I might have married instead.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband, and don’t want to divorce him. He’s a good man and we get on fine but surely there must be more to life than this?
It feels like it’s too late for me to pursue my own dreams and I worry that I’ll never be happy again.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You are only 49. While you can’t undo the past, you can change your life for the better.
Your kids have left home and no longer need you. You have time to pursue new interests, training, jobs and hobbies.
Think about volunteering – a way to do something good, meet new people and gain new skills.
Talk to your husband. Be honest about how you feel, ask him to support you to do something that fulfils you.
If you really hate where you live, discuss the possibility of a move. My support pack Standing Up For Yourself might help you to have this conversation without making him defensive.
Also consider counselling. My support pack about this explains more.
