DEAR DEIDRE: I am sure my wife has had sex with most of the men in our village and for years I turned a blind eye, thinking it was better to avoid confrontation.
But now we are coming up to retirement, the thought of spending the rest of my life stuck in a house with her fills me with dread.
I’m 65 and she’s 64. We’ve been married for 40 years and have three grown-up kids and two grandchildren.
During our marriage, I believe she has had multiple sexual encounters and affairs, with lots of different men.
She worked in the local taxi office, often very late, so she had plenty of opportunities.
Although I never got any absolute proof, there were lots of clues.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
Often, it was impossible to contact her. Once, I was looking for something in our bedroom drawers, and found a hidden collection of very sexy — and kinky — underwear.
She never once wore it for me.
Another time, a very drunk man in my local came over and told me to keep an eye on my wife because she was known to be a tart. He insinuated he had slept with her.
I took offence and said I didn’t believe him. But what he said rang true and bugged me for years.
Our sex life was always problematic because my wife’s libido was so much higher than mine.
She seemed to calm down after a few years, but I think on reflection she was just having sex with other men.
All those years I never wanted to get divorced and lose my family. But now, I look at her and feel nothing but disgust and resentment.
I know I should have said something in the past, but now it’s too late.
She has absolutely no respect for me and has taken me for a fool.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Years of bottling up this hurt doesn’t mean it goes away – it’s been building up and it’s not healthy for you. You sound depressed.
It’s not too late to talk to your wife. She may deny it, of course, but at least you’ll have got it off your chest.
The first step is to talk to her. From there you will start to work out what you want your next steps to be.
Of course, you don’t have to stay with her. You should have many more years of life and deserve to have a happy retirement.
But if you do want to continue the marriage, relationship counselling could help you. Contact Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
If your wife doesn’t want to join you, do it alone for some clarity.
My support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over It? is worth a read.
