DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in the process of adopting my sweet 2-year-old nephew. He has lived with us since he was 7 weeks old, due to my sister and brother-in-law’s inability to care for him.
He is the sweetest, happiest child you could ever want to know, and has bright red hair. This garners him a ton of attention when we are out in public. We get several comments and questions, mostly about his hair, every time we leave the house.
The most common question is something along the lines of, “Where did he get that hair?” My husband and I don’t have a great response.
I can technically say that his hair color runs in the family, but I don’t really want to get into the adoption story with a random stranger.
We will of course tell him that he is adopted, but not until it’s age-appropriate. Now is not the time to tell him his aunt is really his birth mom.
Do you have any suggestions for how we can respond to this intrusive question quickly and easily?
GENTLE READER: Many redheads do not have a redheaded parent, so answering that it “runs in the family” should hardly raise an eyebrow.
However, as genetics is not always so accommodating, Miss Manners will remind everyone to think twice before asking such silly questions.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My extended family members live in different countries, and therefore I don’t have direct contact with my nephews’ small children.
I love to send a gift for each child’s birthday; however, I like to ask the parents their opinions first — if the toy I’m considering is safe for the child’s age, if the child would like it, etc.
As we live thousands of kilometers from each other, I must make these purchases online. So in order to ask questions, I send the parents a link so they can see the product. However, this also shows the price. It feels like I am asking the parents about the cost, which is not my intention.
Should I send an image that hides the price? Or is the information more important than disclosing the price?
GENTLE READER: There are, no doubt, technical solutions to your dilemma, but as no sensible reader comes to Miss Manners for computer advice, she will presume such options are not available.
Instead, she recommends both describing the item and asking your questions in your written communication. If necessary, you could even mention the specific brand and model. Such an approach emphasizes the primacy of the thought over the price — by demonstrating that you are willing to forgo the convenience of just forwarding another link.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Conversation-wise, what is the best way for everyone to ride in a car when a married couple is driving a single friend? Two in front? Two in back? Rotate every few minutes?
GENTLE READER: Friend in the front passenger seat, spouse in back is least likely to result in the guest’s feeling left out of the conversation.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
