A gourmet bottle of peppermint-flavored extra Virgin Mary Olive Oil
A box of edible ornaments that are inedible
Twin-size flannel sheet set patterned with twee cartoon Christmas mice drunk on eggnog
An $11.99 festive patterned puffer coat and matching tiny beanie for your $6.99 bottle of wine
A 120-pack of paper party hats that say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS
A normal cheese grater with BELIEVE in unreadable cursive
A decorative throw pillow stitched with the Stranger Things cast wearing Santa hats
Candy cane clip-on earrings for an adult dog
A Nutcracker advent calendar filled with one weird nut behind each secret door
A long turquoise nightgown featuring a glittery cornucopia
An eighteen-inch snow globe with a figurine of Ellen Degeneres carrying a Santa sack from the ED by Ellen Degeneres Home Collection
A nativity scene and spice rack combo
Two fifty-four-inch woodgrain reindeer mounting each other
A signature white Rae Dunn garbage can profoundly adorned with the words CHRISTMAS GARBAGE.
An oddly small black leather Christmas tree skirt, which is maybe just misplaced from the junior clothing section at the adjoining T.J. Maxx
A gingerbread house kit marked up from $14.99 to $48.99 due to rising housing costs
A ten-foot-wide authentic Christmas sleigh textured with disco ball glass that six people have already injured themselves on
A life-size inflatable waterproof snowman for your shower
A red stemless wine glass featuring an unknown holiday character called “The Grunch”
A package of menorah-shaped pasta from the 2019 Holiday Season
A three-inch artificial poinsettia in a burlap sack from the Martha Stewart Little Collection
A twenty-two-ounce three-wick designer glass jar candle scented as “Cinnamon and Chimney Soot”
A twenty-two-ounce three-wick designer glass jar candle scented as “Damp Cedar and Winter Depression”
A twenty-two-ounce three-wick designer glass jar candle scented as “A Night with Kris Kringle’s Mistress”
A Diet Coke from Taco Bell someone left in the candle aisle
A rustic medium-sized pinecone clearly from the tree outside HomeGoods
A four-pack of mistletoe for your cat
