Millions of Americans are gathering today with assorted family and friends — each with their own unique, and potentially problematic, political opinions.
Which means it’s also time for the slew of articles telling people that it’s okay to skip Thanksgiving dinner if you think someone at the table might strongly disagree with your politics — or providing tips on how to steer conversations away from current affairs to lighter topics. The message and general consensus seem to be that we should only talk about politics with people who will support what we already believe.
Most Americans agreed on this approach last year — three-quarters said in a survey that Thanksgiving was not the time nor place to discuss politics with family. More recent polling from State Policy Network, where I am a fellow, shows it’s not just at family gatherings that people are shying away from politics. Over half of voters say they have stopped talking about politics and policy with family and friends generally because it is too divisive.
While Americans don’t seem to like the baggage that comes with getting political information from their friends and family, they also have problems with other sources of information. For example, while 46 percent of voters say they have gotten news from social media in the last three months, just 15 percent have a high degree of trust in it. There is a similar pattern for broadcast news.
While trust in American institutions is generally low, over two-thirds of voters have a high degree of trust in their friends and family. This trust is the exact foundation needed to credibly share information and opinions outside of our existing filter bubbles.
Despite certain segments, — like vocal young Democrats, who lean into politically homogenized social groups — most voters interact with a diverse enough group of people to provide potential for meaningful debate and the widening of perspectives. Half of voters have a friend they would consider an extreme liberal and a similar number have at least one extreme conservative friend, with a good degree of cross-party friendships.
Because of the trust we have in them, our personal relationships can be a conduit for new information and ideas in ways that can break through the commentary and bias of most news sources. Our friends and family can listen and respond to questions, practice empathy, humanize the other side of the debate, tell personal stories that are likely to intersect with our own lives, and see us as individuals with nuanced views and value outside of our political opinions. But that civil and empathetic exchange of ideas only happens if we actually discuss difficult topics with our friends and family and give respect, instead of just expecting it.
The vast majority of Americans believes that political discourse has become less respectful over the last few years, and with good reason. Just last week, Sen. Markwayne Mullin challenged a witness to a fight during a congressional hearing; the same day, Former Speaker Kevin McCarthy and Rep. Tim Burchett were involved in an alleged physical altercation in the hallway after a House GOP meeting.
Instead of using the deterioration of politics as a reason to avoid political discussions, it should be a calling to engage in a deliberate and thoughtful manner. We need to address the growing inability to hold civic public discussions, which are necessary for a functioning democracy. That starts at the most local level there is — in our neighborhoods and communities, among family and friends.
Total alignment isn’t needed to have a strong friendship, be a good neighbor or pass good policy. And we never know where our common ground exists if we refuse to talk about it.
Erin Norman is the Lee Family Fellow and Senior Messaging Strategist at State Policy Network.
