My dad does not accept my adopted son and I fear he never will

DEAR DEIDRE: Even though he has been part of our family since he was only five days old, my parents have never really accepted my adopted youngest son.

He was born addicted to drugs and alcohol and was immediately removed from his mum.

I’m 47, my wife’s 45. We have three sons, aged 18, 15 and eight.

We’re in the process of getting a diagnosis for our youngest, as he has some behavioural issues.

As a family, we are dealing with it as best we can.

We have good and bad days but know it isn’t his fault.

My dad, in particular, has never had a great relationship with my youngest.

He doesn’t genuinely accept him.

Our son became excited when we visited them over half-term.

He has boundless energy but my dad couldn’t cope and had a go at my son, telling him off.

Dad even took my middle son to one side and asked him if he wished things were different.

I don’t know whether to confront Dad over what he has said or keep quiet and hope the situation improves.

DEIDRE SAYS: Welcoming someone else’s child into your family can be hard for some parents to accept.

I’m afraid you may not be able to change your dad’s deeply held opinion,

If you ignore his comments you risk a consistent drip-feed of negativity, so it is certainly worth telling him you don’t want his attitude affecting and infiltrating your family.

Talk to him and explain that while he may struggle with your adopted son, he is a part of the family and not going anywhere.

Ask him to resist criticising or blaming him, especially in front of your other children, and explain how damaging this could be for the family dynamic.

You can get more support through adoptionuk.org.