Photographer: Mariagrazia Pigna
When I was younger and I would see older men with infant children, I always thought it was selfish. I didn't think it was fair to the child that their father was older and that as they grew up, they would have to adjust their expectations — things like activities they'd be able to do together, how involved an "old" father could be in their lives, and of course, the potentially limited time they would have their father with them. But now, I feel like a hypocrite thinking that.
Over eight years ago, I met a man. I initially thought he was much younger than he was, but soon learned that he was in fact quite a bit older than I was — 23 years, to be exact. But even though it was very soon in our relationship, I was already smitten and could feel myself falling in love.
Very early on, I mentioned my desire to become a mother. I think part of me thought this would be a dealbreaker and assumed that since he was so much older, divorced, and already had a son from his first marriage that was my age, that he would say he didn't want any more children. If that was the case, our relationship would have certainly come to an end, since for me, kids were make it or break it.
I made it crystal clear that I wanted two kids; not one, two. I was shocked when he said he would love to have kids again. My brain immediately started thinking overtime. Truthfully, I was surprised at his reaction. What would that look like, if we were to have children together? How would we make that work? Me, so young and full of energy and my husband, already with some gray hairs and in his mid-50s?
Well, it didn't take long for me to learn what it would look like.
My husband is now 58 and I will be 35 soon. We have been married for six and a half years. We have a rambunctious five-year-old daughter and a two-month-old son. My husband is a wonderful father, but sometimes when I really stop and think about the facts, I feel guilty and sad.
When our daughter is 15 and our son is 10, my husband will be nearly 70 years old. I feel guilty knowing that maybe my husband can't be as energetic as the "young" dads my kids' peers are likely to have — though to be fair, my husband has plenty of energy and is a "get on the floor and play" type of dad. But still, his energy and patience level is not the same as mine, and understandably so.
Right now, our children don't see their father's age. All they see is someone who loves them and plays with them and holds them. But once they are able to understand the concept of age, will they feel what I feel? Will they be upset or even embarrassed about their "old" dad? Will they maybe even find a way to be mad at me for having an older husband? I don't know.
I also sometimes get sad when I realize that my husband may not be around to experience certain things, like seeing his children get married or even the joy of grandchildren. These thoughts alone are enough to make me feel sad and guilty about the choice I've made. However, I love my husband, and I love the family we've created together, so I also can't say I'd have made a different one.
Photographer: Mariagrazia Pigna
As I write this, my husband is sitting on the floor, making block towers with our daughter. He is such a good father to both our kids; lets our daughter put make-up on him when she asks, and he walks our son back and forth to calm him down at night. A lot of "young" dads don't do those things with their children, so that's all I could ever hope for: a loving father to my children. I try to remind myself that absolutely nothing in life is guaranteed — no matter what age you are. All we have promised is the present.
