With the Big Ten, at least, Jim Harbaugh is in some hot water.
Over the weekend, it was revealed the Michigan Wolverines’ head coach would be suspended for the remainder of the team’s 2023 regular season. In fact, Harbaugh already missed the program’s win over Penn State in which interim coach Sherrone Moore delivered a bizarre NSFW postgame interview. (Note: It even led to some delightful trolling from the Nittany Lions.)
On Monday, Harbaugh finally got a chance to formally speak about the ramifications of his suspension. While he did (kind of?) address the consequences and any forthcoming legal battles, he also went on a few weird tangents that were entirely disconnected from the situation.
As one does.
First, Harbaugh said that Michigan should be “America’s Team” because it’s … well, I don’t really know why, as his reasoning is quite silly:
Jim Harbaugh just said that Michigan should be “America’s team” because it has been through adversity and criticism and the naysayers.
— Nicole Auerbach (@NicoleAuerbach) November 13, 2023
Here’s a video of this exchange:
Michigan Football: “Gotta be America’s team.” — Jim Harbaugh pic.twitter.com/7MN4IPFJ3N
— College Transfer Portal (@CollegeFBPortal) November 13, 2023
Later, when clarifying his personal health, Harbaugh went on a diatribe about how he apparently doesn’t get sick and will simply do some light exercise and eat fruit to get over the sniffles. Uh, sure. That’s not how human biology works but whatever. Dennis Reynolds would be so proud.
Harbaugh sounds raspy but insists he’s not sick. “I’m the iron wall that viruses bash against and shatter,” he says. Says he’ll “do some more pushups and eat an apple.”
— Austin Meek (@byAustinMeek) November 13, 2023
In a twist that no one really asked for, but Harbaugh provided anyway, he said he no longer feels that chickens are “nervous birds.” In fact, he really appreciates their poise and production (Note: they are not football players).
Harbaugh now discussing getting chicks for Easter 2020, then “the chicks became teenager chickens” and now egg-layers.
He said he was dead wrong about chickens being nervous birds and hating them. Chickens are always happy to see him. “Fresh eggs every day, highly productive.”
— Nicole Auerbach (@NicoleAuerbach) November 13, 2023
Harbaugh officially recants his previous comments about chickens being “nervous birds.”
“These chickens are low maintenance and high production.” Said they are good for his mental health and always happy to see him.
— Nicole Auerbach (@NicoleAuerbach) November 13, 2023
To put a cherry on top for the man who probably takes himself way too seriously, Harbaugh recalled his apparent friendship with Judith Sheindlin (a.k.a. “Judge Judy”) when asked if he’d testify at a Friday court hearing regarding his suspension. Everyone knows reality television court is the same thing as the real judicial process:
Harbaugh clarifies that he’s not sure whether he’ll testify Friday. “That’s not my dance floor,” he says. “I’ve watched a lot of shows. I’ve watched Judge Judy a lot.”
— Austin Meek (@byAustinMeek) November 13, 2023
Michigan plays at Maryland this Saturday. I can’t wait to hear more from a (bored?) Harbaugh between now and then.
