I barreled down New Mexico State Road 150 in a Ram ProMaster.
Just outside of Taos, New Mexico, the curves in the road were familiar, and I recognized the brown signs pointing to different campgrounds.
It was familiar for a reason. Five months earlier, I spent two nights camping along the same road in Carson National Forest with 10 other friends.
This time, though, I was alone. It was my first night on a two-week road trip in a van I rented from Native Campervans.
I was testing out van life, and I figured I'd ease my way into the trip by staying at a familiar campsite.
It was a mistake.
I realized too late that the lack of cell service left me on edge the entire night. An unfamiliar spot with service would've been the smarter choice for night one.
I pulled into an empty Cuchillo Del Medio Campground. I looked down at my phone and had zero bars.
This was expected. My weekends camping and backpacking in Colorado often involve no cell service, unsent text messages, and unread emails.
And while I was prepared with a satellite phone and pepper spray, I wasn't prepared for how uneasy I would feel without service.
I shot over a satellite message letting my friends know I had safely arrived at my campsite for the night. Then, I was left with solitude.
I've spent plenty of days alone without service, but I was on edge my first night without the comfort of being able to easily call 911 or a friend. Sure, I could use the satellite phone, but it wasn't the most user-friendly and I worried about needing to rely on it in an emergency.
Every sound outside rattled me: a loud truck on the road; voices from the campground next door; branches breaking off nearby trees. I found myself constantly peeking out the van's windows checking to see if anyone was lurking at my campsite.
I attempted to fall asleep, but never quite reached the deep sleep my body craved.
On the other hand, if I had cell service, I'm convinced my mind would've allowed me the REM sleep I needed.
A lack of cell service was something I craved with van life: being out in nature with fewer distractions.
I could read without accidentally winding up on TikTok, journal without needing to reply to a text, and soak in the outdoors without worrying about an unsent email.
Thankfully, there were plenty of moments on my trip where I did just that. It took just a couple of days to get comfortable, and peaceful nights filled the rest of my itinerary.
Ultimately, a lack of service made me feel like I was diving head-first into van life. And I realized a little too late that I wanted to slowly wade into the experience.