One simple question blew apart our life
DEAR DEIDRE: It was a simple question that blew apart our five-year relationship: “Why are you liking that random woman’s posts?”
Next thing my partner stormed off upstairs, accusing me of being jealous. His overreaction rang even bigger warning bells for me, so I looked her up on Instagram.
He had liked every single one of the woman’s posts for the past six months and been very complimentary about her looks.
We’ve been together for five years. I’m 47, with a 15-year-old son from a previous relationship, my partner is 50.
Over the past few months, I’d noticed he’d been acting suspiciously, hiding his phone and disappearing for hours “for some fresh air”.
Suddenly, he didn’t want sex any more, even though since I’d known him, he had a high sex drive.
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I knew in my gut there was something wrong as soon as I saw his interactions online.
Then I pressed him and asked if he and this woman were messaging each other.
He refused to show me, got angry and said he’d had enough of me accusing him. Then he left, and he went straight upstairs to pack.
I am in total shock. I can’t eat or sleep and I don’t know what to do with myself. He refuses to speak to me or give me an explanation.
Worse, he won’t even talk to my son — who sees him as his dad.
He’s just vanished from our lives. His behaviour has convinced me he must have been having sex with this woman, even though I don’t have any hard evidence.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your partner’s volatile behaviour, and the fact he’s trying to deflect blame for his actions on to you, suggests he hasn’t been honest.
Rather than face the consequences or have a difficult conversation, he’s run away. It’s cowardly and unfair to you.
But it’s also very cruel to your son.
Give him time and then message him, saying you need to talk. Explain how this is affecting both you and your son.
I know that you’re hurting but it’s important your son understands he’s done nothing wrong.
My pack, When Parents Fall Out, may help. This man is not behaving like a good role model.
Talk to friends and make sure to ask your son about how he feels also.
I’m sending you my pack, Mending a Broken Heart with more advice.