DEAR DEIDRE: I can’t keep an erection. It has happened so many times that I have lost confidence.
I am 38 and have been with my wife, 36, for eight years.
I love her very much, but we have such a boring sex life. She is not adventurous or spontaneous.
There is very little kissing or foreplay as she is reluctant to do either.
Her ex cheated on her, saying she never initiated sex, which really hurt her.
That makes it hard for me to talk to her about our problems.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
I watch far too much porn as a result, and constantly think about cheating, even though I wouldn’t ever do it.
I know that’s not the answer, but I don’t know how to perk up my sex life.
I’m really frustrated and need to find a way to enjoy intimacy with my wife again.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You tell me that your wife isn’t adventurous, but if you are losing your erections, she may think she’s doing something wrong or that you don’t fancy her.
One of the most common reasons for your problem is performance anxiety, and the amount of porn you’re watching won’t be helping.
You’re probably viewing more extreme versions of sex that don’t reflect reality.
You need to talk to your wife about her satisfaction as well as your concerns.
My support packs, Is She Not Keen On Sex? and Erection Difficulties, can help.
If you are determined to quit watching porn, find a new focus for a few weeks.
Then build up to sex gradually, using kissing and caressing – and remember why you fell in love.
My support pack, Internet Pornography Worry, explains more.
