Should I move abroad with my controlling lover?

DEAR DEIDRE: I am 25 with a two-year-old daughter who I only want the best for.

Her Algerian father is currently in prison here and it looks likely he may be deported when released.

He is very controlling, dictating when I can see my friends and family.

I don’t love him but he is a brilliant dad.

Until recently his overbearing mum lived with us, constantly belittling me and telling me I was a terrible mother. My partner always takes her side.

After a bad argument, I threw her out and I can feel my confidence growing.

Now my partner says that if he is deported, I will have to move to Algeria with him and his family.

If his family has this much control over my life in England, it would be so much worse over there. But if I stay in the UK, I would be splitting up my partner and his daughter, who he adores.

I don’t know whether I should move to keep my family together, even though I can’t see how I will have a happy life.

DEIDRE SAYS: You know moving to a new country is not what you want.

Not only will it be somewhere unfamiliar, but also your partner’s controlling behaviour will not change and may even get worse.

Making a life together for the sake of your daughter will not work out well.

It isn’t good for her to grow up in a family where one parent is unhappy and controlled by the other.

I am attaching my support pack Abusive Partner? and I would urge you to contact the charity Women’s Aid (womensaid.org.uk).

You say your partner is a brilliant dad and it would break him if you took his daughter away from him. But you must put her safety and welfare first.

He can keep in touch and perhaps visit sometimes too. He also has a legal obligation to provide for his daughter financially.

Please do not sacrifice your own happiness because you feel guilty about your partner missing out on seeing his daughter.