An incomplete list of college football side characters I've learned about against my will

It’s Week 10 of the 2023 college football season and only a few days removed from the first playoff ranking reveal of the year.

Are we talking about Ohio State jumping Georgia for the No. 1 spot? No.

Are we talking about Oregon and Washington somehow sitting outside the top four despite playoff-worthy resumes? No.

Are we talking about Alabama clawing its way back from quarterback hell to haunt the teams ranked above it? No.

We’re talking about Connor Stalions maybe doing some weird stuff on the sidelines and/or all across human history. If you had asked me three weeks ago who this man is, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. Now he’s as well-known to fans as any Heisman Trophy contender. Which puts Stalions in some very rare company when it comes to this bizarre sport. He’s a main character every day of the week except game day. He’s the type of person who, if you only paid attention to college football on Saturdays during the season, you might still not know existed at all. But if you follow along each and every day, you could probably recite his horoscope by now.

Which is also to say I’ve learned far too much about this man. More than I ever cared to learn, really. And that puts him on probably the weirdest (most incomplete) list in this sport. I’m sure I’m forgetting many others, but these people have lived rent free in my head for far too long.