DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently had a physical that included a range of blood work. Some of the tests came back abnormal, and now I have to go back for more blood work.
This is so scary to me. I want to talk to someone about it, but whenever I tell my husband about my health concerns, he doesn’t listen. Instead, he immediately starts lecturing me about what I should do to improve my health.
That is not what I need right now. I need support, someone to hold my hand and help me have the courage and strength to go through this process.
I know my husband means well, but his manner is grating on me.
Should I start keeping my health concerns from him? Is it OK for me to ask someone else to be my rock during this time?
I think my best friend or my sister would be more helpful as I go through the process of learning about my health and discovering what I need to do about it.
— Need Support
DEAR NEED SUPPORT: Now is not the time for you to be worrying about hurting your husband’s feelings. This is your life and your health.
Whatever you need to do to walk through this moment and get the most out of it is what you should be concentrating on. It is perfectly fine for you to ask a friend or your sister to go with you to your doctor’s appointments or to talk through the results and recommendations after your visits.
It can be helpful to have an advocate to stay apprised of what you discover. That person may also think of questions that you may have missed. It’s one thing to get a diagnosis and another to figure out a plan of action for improving your health. Invite the person you think will be most helpful to you. Be sure to get their full agreement.
When the time is right, you can inform your husband of what is going on and how you are tackling your health issues — if you so choose. What’s most important is that you address your problems and do your part to get healthy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: A good friend of mine used to be married to a woman I know. I hung out with him the other day, and she came up in the conversation. It was kind of awkward.
He remains in touch with her because they have children and grandchildren together, but the issues they had when they were married flare up from time to time. I saw him get worked up all over again when he described how they interacted recently.
All I did was listen — except when I commented that I bet he is glad they aren’t still married. I don’t think I offended him, but I also don’t want to bad-mouth anyone.
How can I stay neutral when my friend goes off about his ex?
— Neutral Zone
DEAR NEUTRAL ZONE: Be a good listener. Chances are, your friend most needs to bend your ear.
You don’t have to offer an opinion at all when he complains. Just pay attention, hear him out and move on with the conversation.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
