Going gray is a natural part of getting older. As you age, your hair follicles make less melanin, a pigment that gives you brown, yellow, black, or red hair, leading to shades of gray and white instead.
While many women dye their hair as they age, not everyone goes this route. And, in fact, more are choosing to lean into the grayness, proudly rocking their natural hair color over time. Some celebrities have even gone this route. Andie MacDowell is proudly gray, telling Vogue that she’s “never felt more powerful” since embracing her natural hair color.
Colorist Jack Martin has also built up a following on Instagram after helping women embrace their gray, transitioning from dyed strands to their more natural shade.
Choosing to go gray seems like a big move—and it is, in a sense. How can you decide if it’s right for you? Here’s what psychologists have to say.
Every woman’s reason is different, but there are some themes that have emerged. “A lot of people during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic realized that they were making everything in their lives way more complicated than it needed to be,” says licensed clinical psychologist Jaime Zuckerman, Ph.D.
Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor of psychology at NYU Langone Health and co-host of the Mind in View podcast, agrees. “Coloring your hair is a lot of maintenance and a lot of money,” she says. “Some people just don’t want to deal with that anymore.”
There’s also a strong undercurrent of empowerment. “These choices are definitely related to a sense of female empowerment and choosing to age gracefully, versus modifying their appearance to fit into societal ‘expectations’ of women,” says Hillary Ammon, a clinical psychologist at the Center for Anxiety & Women’s Emotional Wellness, “The choice of leaving your hair as its natural color—even if gray—seems to fall under the umbrella of body positivity, which has been embraced more and more by individuals, as well as corporations.”
There’s also a push to view men and women equally when it comes to gray hair. Men with gray hair are often referred to as “silver foxes,” Gallagher says, but the same doesn’t apply to women.
“Women have been conditioned to age ‘gracefully’ but, at the same time, not to age too much or you’ll become ‘irrelevant’ according to society,” Zuckerman says. But she says some women have realized that sentiment just isn’t true. “Women in particular are like, ‘This is who I am. I accept myself for who I am, and aging is natural and beautiful,’” she says.
While it’s technically “just” hair, Zuckerman admits that it’s a “big decision” for some people. “When you’re used to having hair a certain color and now it’s graying, it has a meaning that symbolizes something for you personally,” she says. “There’s an acceptance that comes with it that your looks are different than they used to be. You’re either accepting of it or you’re not.”
But Zuckerman says it can also be as simple as no longer wanting to spend so much time and money on your hair.
If you’re interested in embracing your gray, Gallagher recommends making sure that the decisions you make around your hair are based on what you want and not someone else. “You want to feel comfortable with that decision as an individual,” she says.
Overall, “choice is what is most important,” Ammon says. “ If dyeing your hair makes you feel confident or feels like an act of self-care, go for it,” she says. “If proudly working your gray hair makes you feel proud, rock those gray hairs.” At the same time, Ammon says, “it’s important to remember to not judge others for their choices.”
With that, Gallagher points out that hair color is temporary. “I had a patient who decided to embrace gray hair and then was like, ‘I don’t have the bravery for it right now, but maybe later in my life’ and dyed it back,” she says. “That’s totally fine. If you don’t like it, you can always change it.”
While you could just let your roots grow in, many women choose to dye their hair to match their roots to make the in-between stage a little more seamless. This L’Oreal Paris dye is a popular choice.
Gray hair is prone to brassiness. This shampoo features Sachajuan’s Ocean Silk Technology to ditch brassy and yellow tones with the help of violet pigments. It also helps add volume.
This conditioner is specially designed to infuse moisture into gray and white hair while highlighting its natural color. Shea butter helps smooth out frizz and add softness.
Gray hair tends to be more porous and dry, so it’s important to use a gentle shampoo. Ouai’s Detox Shampoo uses apple cider vinegar and hydrolyzed keratin to get rid of dirt and excess oil without being harsh on your hair.
Give your locks some extra love with this deep conditioning mask. It helps infuse moisture back into your hair and is free of sulfates, silicones, and parabens. Use it weekly in place of your standard conditioner.
This specialized treatment is designed to help pamper your strands as you go about your day. It features the brand’s proprietary TCF8 complex, along with antioxidants to moisturize your hair and enhance shine.
This hair serum is easy to use: Just apply a few drops in your towel dried hair after you shower. It uses a mix of conditioners, ceramides, and green tea extra to help soften your hair and reduce breakage.
