The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
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Thought it was really hip our high school marching band played Blink-182 last night. “It’s nice they play more modern music, ours only played oldies,” I found myself thinking.
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) September 30, 2023
Then it hit me.
when the friend with the studio apartment hosts the hang pic.twitter.com/t2bQ0uQOMW
— chase (@_chase_____) October 3, 2023
The way people say “It’s just business” after doing something cold & heartless, I’m going to start saying “It’s just pleasure” after doing something warm & kindly, then I will walk off into the horizon whistling
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 6, 2023
“you already told that story” oh so you hate recycling
— trash jones (@jzux) October 3, 2023
A student came to the library to ask about her club funds because her teacher told her to see the bookkeeper. So she came to me. The keeper of the books. This is the cutest thing that will happen to me all day.
— Jessica Malone Grider (@mrs_g_rider) October 5, 2023
I was doing a late night debugging session and I couldn't figure something out
— Cassidy (@cassidoo) October 3, 2023
and then I googled it
and the first result with my answer
was a blog post
that I wrote
want to get invited to tons of fun, once-in-a-lifetime shows, parties, and hangs? try this trick: going out of town that weekend
— meredith (@dietz_meredith) October 3, 2023
https://t.co/RYjmECb5e5pic.twitter.com/6dbUb9WSqB
— Gabrielle Union (@itsgabrielleu) October 3, 2023
just invested in some stocks. chicken and vegetable. going to be a high yield year for soup
— madimoiselle ♡ (@drivingmemadi) October 3, 2023
growing up in miami i had no idea other kids in the US had to wear coats with their costumes- my friend was showing me his pics and I was like if you’re spider-man why are you wearing a coat and he said because I was in fucking minnesota?
— HELLOTEFI ???? (@hellotefi) October 4, 2023
if I didn’t watch the other Chiefs seasons can I jump right in with the Taylor Swift one or will I be lost?
— Alexa (@LexaDelRey) October 2, 2023
Once, when I was being very quiet during an Uber ride—I had just had surgery and wasn’t feeling well—the Uber driver, a man, asked, “Are you mad at me?”
— Amanda Fortini (@amandafortini) September 30, 2023
I saw a TikTok this morning of a woman who didn’t know that lox and raw salmon are different, so she’s been slicing off pieces of raw grocery store salmon for a week now and eating it with bagels and cream cheese
— c a i t l i n (@hello__caitlin) October 3, 2023
Friend making normal wages- “no worries bro, I’ll cover this one. You got next!”
— mewtru •ᴗ• (@trunarla) October 1, 2023
Friend who works in tech making over 300k- “can you Venmo me $3.74 for the sip of my drink you took?”
My skin was breaking out and then you wouldn’t believe this I stopped having cake every day and it cleared right up
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) October 1, 2023
Warning:
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) October 4, 2023
This movie contains "Adult Themes" such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.
no i just scroll fast when i get to that part of my camera roll https://t.co/K9nugiY8FE
— dess (@lifeoflanise) October 3, 2023
girls do weird shit when they have a crush like girl why are u watching anime ????
— Noor ✭ (@Noorthevirgo) October 2, 2023
i’ve gotten really into the idea of getting really into crafting. like im not doing any crafting but the idea that i could? i’m so into it
— Beth McColl (@imbethmccoll) October 3, 2023
Love driving home from TJ Maxx, my car full of $76 worth of absolutely nothing, wolfing down my disgusting little snack mix from a made up company called like “PopFactory Krinkle Snacks Inc” that I found in the same aisle as dog toys
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 4, 2023
The gentleman driving my Uber home from the airport who is an immigrant from Tajikistan gave me the most thoughtful and prideful tour of Pittsburgh and I could not bear to tell him I live here.
— Gisele Barreto Fetterman (@giselefetterman) October 1, 2023
Me: sometimes I worry I’m wasting my 20s
— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) October 3, 2023
My boyfriend: you are 32
for lesbians, it means you exchange flannels and then read Mary Oliver poems while doing home repair projects, hope this helps https://t.co/67XbCuHrMo
— ????Dr. Frizzle (@Swilua) October 4, 2023
guys it’s Q4…. only one Q left to do all that stuff we said we were gonna do
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) October 2, 2023
I told my friend about this and she said, “Somebody sacrificed the right goat in Haiti,” and I screamed. https://t.co/xEqmrUt2kO
— her name is cyn ???? (@cynfinite) October 2, 2023
By age 35 you should have
— Maryfairyboberry????????♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 4, 2023
- A favorite stovetop burner
- A consuming sense of dread
- Seething rage when they rearrange your favorite grocery store
Yeah I've been to a show at The Sphere pic.twitter.com/AqLCri9zDb
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) October 1, 2023
seeing a boys handwriting for the first time is one of the most intense experiences of a girls life
— Echo ???? (@TheEcho13) October 3, 2023
I yawned in the club last night and my homegirl said “don’t piss me off” ????
— full-snack developer ???????? (@notdanilu) October 1, 2023
bed bugs... national boyfriend day... any other outbreaks i should be worried about
— angel delight (@ghoulhag) October 4, 2023
