Watching 'Love Is Blind' with my husband helps us talk through relationship issues. For us, reality dating shows are about more than just drama.
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My husband and I have been married for a little over a decade, but when it comes to hobbies, we don't have many in common. He likes to fish; I like to read. He'd rather play mini golf on date night, whereas I would rather get dinner at a cozy Italian restaurant.
When the long weekdays are over and we're ready to relax together, our differences typically extend to our taste in television, too. He's a sports guy; he likes to watch college football, mostly. I prefer dramas, especially in the vein of the historical shows on BBC. So it seemed unlikely that we would both enjoy the one genre neither of us had ever tried watching — reality-TV dating shows. But that's exactly what happened.
The epitome of a cliché, we first stumbled upon reality-TV dating shows at the beginning of the pandemic. We were aimlessly scrolling through Netflix one evening when a trailer for a new show came on. A faceless narrator asked, "Can you really fall in love with someone before ever laying eyes on them?" Along with so many others, we succumbed to "Love Is Blind" fever — we were hooked.
There is an undeniable entertainment value to "Love Is Blind" and other dating shows similar to it. They all feature big personalities, cringe-worthy moments, and plenty of drama, all of which make for truly enjoyable television. After we finished season one of "Love Is Blind," we wanted more; we moved on to "Love Island," "The Ultimatum," and "Temptation Island," to name a few. It seemed we had found our genre.
As we consumed one series after another, we began to realize that it might have been bigger than just mindless entertainment keeping us glued to the screen; it started to feel like there was something else at play. Though the couples we were watching could be fighting most of the time, watching these shows was bonding us together as a couple, all from the comfort of our own couch.
"I can't believe she would say that," my husband scoffed during a particularly tough moment in a season three episode of "Love Is Blind." "She literally just told this man to 'boss up.' That would absolutely devastate any guy's ego."
I sat up straight in my seat and turned to face him. "Well, if she's not getting what she needs, what should she say? Why should she care about his ego if she feels like she's not being heard?" This example sparked a debate that ultimately resulted in growth and understanding for both of us.
My husband was able to hear my point of view, and vice versa, through the lens of the people on-screen — without entering the conflict ourselves. In this scenario, it's hypothetical, so it's less emotional than if we were experiencing it; we get a glimpse at how each other might respond in a similar situation, without the fraught emotions involved, and can talk through it with cooler heads.
While it may seem funny in hindsight, these reality-TV moments are representative of real thoughts, emotions, and conversations that have helped us strengthen our marital bond. By viewing and discussing the televised emotional wins — and losses — of people we will never meet, my husband and I were able to have meaningful conversations about love. We get to talk about what we think love and a healthy relationship really is, what it isn't, and the many nuances in between.
We used to hide this "guilty pleasure" from others, embarrassed that we were watching — and enjoying — what most people consider "trashy television." But now, when asked, I proudly explain that my husband and I have truly bonded over these shows. People laugh, and I don't blame them. But a few couples I know have tried watching together, and they've had the same surprising results.
At the end of the day, we're all just people trying to figure out love and life. And if watching Hall and Kaitlin from "Temptation Island" painfully untangle themselves from an engagement while surrounded by 15 hot singles in swimwear helps us do that — well then, so be it.
