My kids are nearly 30 but they both expect me to run their lives and pay for them

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE my partner left me nearly 20 years ago, I have done absolutely everything for my son and daughter.

They are now 29 and 27, live at home and still expect me to both run, and pay for, their lives.

We all have full-time jobs, in fact my son earns considerably more than me, but neither of them will contribute to bills.

I am 63 and do all the food shopping, cooking, washing and even gardening.

My friends think I’m a complete walkover but I don’t ever manage to get any help.

I have asked them to contribute but the best I can hope for is a couple of bags of food from the corner shop every now and then.

They are both saving for a new car and say it’s not a good time to contribute financially.

When I ask for help my daughter might hang out a load of washing or empty the dishwasher but I do the lion’s share and I’m exhausted.

I’d love to downsize to a smaller two-bedroom house but they won’t hear of it because then there wouldn’t be room for them.

DEIDRE SAYS: They are your children, but they are taking advantage of you.

It is unrealistic of them to be living at home without contributing financially or helping out with the chores.

It’s time to sit down with them and run through all the figures – their costs and yours – so you can see each other’s point of view better.

Spell out that they wouldn’t be able to save for a new car if they were not living so cheaply – at your expense.

Suggest a realistic amount they can start paying as board to help you and still save for their own luxuries.

Give them set chores a week – a rota might help – and insist they do their own washing from now on.

My support pack Family Finances explains more.

You now want to downsize and you are perfectly within your rights to do this whether they agree or not.

And read my support pack Standing Up For Yourself to help you to talk to them without it causing an argument.