I’m a therapist… the red flag statements couples say that are a tell-tale sign their relationship is over
WHETHER it be a last-ditch attempt at saving a relationship, learning how to communicate effectively with one another, or move past a betrayal, there are so many reasons couples attend therapy.
Kristina Virro, a psychotherapist from Ontario, shared a video on her TikTok account, @therapykristina, about the red flag comments couples make that suggest their relationship cannot be salvaged.
She said: “The first one is when somebody in the room says, ‘well, this is just who I am.’
“Here’s what I hear when somebody says that – ‘I have no desire to change my behaviours whatsoever. This is what you signed up for, so you better just accept it.’”
As for what Kristina thinks about that comment, she explained: “It’s just this air of close-mindedness and an unwillingness to turn inward to figure out how can they make this relationship better.”
But this isn’t the “biggest red flag”. The psychotherapist revealed: “The biggest red flag, I would say, is when one or both partners literally have stopped giving a s**t about anything in the relationship.
“This is [about] the person that has kicked and screamed, been angry, voiced their needs, and this might have gone on for weeks, months, or years, and now they’re so physically and emotionally exhausted and discouraged that they genuinely just don’t care what their partner does.”
She gave an example of when a client might say: “‘Okay, you wanna go cheat on me? Fine, whatever, I don’t even really care.’
“I believe if you’ve hit this sense of apathy with your partner, your chances of getting your relationship back are about one per cent.
“This is why I always tell people to go to couple’s therapy early because if you go to couples therapy when you’re angry, to me, there’s still hope.”
The video has amassed more than one million views, and many agreed the signs Kristina discussed are the point of no return for a couple.
One with the username Over 40 Vancity wrote: “This was me in the last five years of marriage. I stopped caring anymore.”
Another said: “When I reached this stage I knew it was over. And it was! I had run out of energy.”
Someone explained: “I found myself thinking ‘I don’t really care anymore’ and it’s so liberating.” Kristina replied: “I believe this is why people end up preferring this place —because it’s much less exhausting and empowering even if it ultimately feels c****y still.”
Tane Remington commented: “Couples therapy was the best money we ever spent! The trickle-down effect it had on our kid was unexpected cause now we’re much better parents too.”