DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has threatened to leave me because I can’t make her reach orgasm.
She is 21 and I’m 22. We’ve been together for three months, but I fear our days are numbered if I can’t learn how to satisfy her in bed.
She’s my first girlfriend and, as the weeks have gone on, she’s pointed out how inexperienced I am in bed.
I really thought our sex life was good until she started making comments.
Most recently she got into a strop after we had been intimate.
When I asked her what was wrong she moaned that I don’t have a clue what I’m doing in bed.
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Her comments have made me feel so insecure.
I’ve now started watching porn to get some ideas.
I tried them out the other night but she pushed me away and said I was too rough.
I really like her but she has threatened to end things if our sex life doesn’t improve.
I was thinking of beating her to it, and ending things – just to gain experience with another woman, then go back to her when I know what I’m doing.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Playing games is just not the solution here.
Everyone is different. What one woman might enjoy could be completely offputting for another.
Good sex is about intimacy and getting to know each other on a deeper level.
Finding a moment to speak honestly to your girlfriend can really help.
Ask her what she likes and doesn’t like in the bedroom, and ask her to show you exactly what turns her on.
Asking her to guide your hands, while she talks you through her responses, can be a real turn on.
And be open and honest about your desires too.
Remember that porn is not based on reality, it is performative and is not a good guide for you to model your sex life on.
You’ll find far more satisfaction and success by concentrating on getting to know your girlfriend and what turns her on sexually.
My support packs Orgasm For Women and Help Your Partner Reach Orgasm can help you find out more.
