Atlantic writers explain how to do it kindly and gracefully.
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Over the years, my fellow Atlantic writers have published many bold arguments. But the case Ian Bogost made this month is perhaps one of the bravest in recent years: Flaking on plans is not so terrible, he argued. I likely found Bogost’s claim so controversial because I was a flake in earlier eras of my life, and the feedback I received suggested it was not a good thing. But Bogost’s philosophical case was quite sensible: “Flaking, taken selectively, allows you to acknowledge that life is porous,” he writes. “Errors seep through its gaps.”
Still, there are rules for flaking kindly and gracefully. Today’s newsletter explores the art of canceling plans, as well as the logistical woes that can make the act so unavoidable in the modern era.
On Flaking
By Olga Khazan
An introvert’s guide to canceling without losing your friends
By Ian Bogost
Embrace chaos. Don’t show up.
Podcast: What Do We Owe Our Friends?
By Julie Beck and Becca Rashid
A culture that prioritizes romance and family relationships can push people to undermine their friendships.
Still Curious?
Other Diversions
P.S.
In 2019, my colleague Olga Khazan described a creative approach to managing her flaking habit: She’d send her boyfriend to “social engagements in my stead, like a sad foreign minister from Flake Nation.” I’ll leave you with this option to sign one of your loved ones up for a very awkward political appointment.
— Isabel
