My work lover dumped me the minute I was ready to go public
DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I got a promotion at work, my lover – who was part my team – decided to dump me, probably as she thought I would no longer be useful to her.
Then I found out she had been married all along, too. I feel used and heartbroken, but I still love her.
I’m 38, she’s 28 and we had been having an affair for two years.
When she first joined my team, our relationship was professional. But she soon made it clear she wanted more than professional guidance.
As her manager, I resisted. I knew it was against the rules, so any relationship would have to be secret.
That only made her more keen. Soon, we were having sex whenever we could — in lunch hours, after work — and exchanging furtive glances and touches in the office.
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I fell deeply for her and said I wanted to go public.
She said that would affect both our careers, so we should keep it to ourselves.
A month ago, I was offered a promotion — a role with much better pay in another part of the company.
When I told her, I thought she’d be thrilled as we could finally go public. Instead, she went cold on me.
She told me she wouldn’t be able to see me any more. And then she admitted that she was married.
Everything she’d told me about her living arrangements — why I could never go to her place as she still lived with her parents — was a lie.
I feel like a fool and I can’t get excited about my new job.
All I can think about is her. And even though she’s broken my heart, I want her back.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex-lover sounds extremely manipulative.
She’s used you, lied to you and has thrown you away now she no longer needs you.
She’s also cheated on her husband for two years, knowing she had no intention of leaving him for you.
Great sex is intoxicating, but if you’re honest with yourself, she never offered you anything more.
My support pack Addictive Love explains how hard it can sometimes be to stop loving people who are bad for us.
See your new job as a fresh start – a way to get out of her clutches.
In time, your heart will heal and you’ll realise you’ve had a lucky escape.
Look for a relationship outside of work. Read my support pack Finding The Love Of Your Life for tips on how to do this.
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