Spider That Causes Painful Erections Shuts Down Supermarket

An Austrian supermarket has been temporarily closed after a potentially deadly spider was found inside; the venom of which can cause long-lasting, painful erections.

The Penny Supermarket, west of Vienna, has been closed since Tuesday when a Brazilian Wandering spider was spotted browsing the aisles. This species has a venom which stimulates erections that can last for hours. Bites from one of these spiders can also cause a dangerous spike in blood pressure and full-body pains. 

Dr. Romulo Leite, of the Medical College of Georgia, who has studied the spider, told The Mirror: "The erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort.” Well, presumably not everybody.

"We're hoping eventually this will end up in the development of real drugs for the treatment of erectile dysfunction," he added.

A manager noticed the Brazilian Wandering spider and immediately evacuated customers before notifying authorities. While waiting, employees contained the spider using banana crates, a fruit the species is apparently quite fond of. Appropriately, the arachnids have a history of traveling into Europe via bananas.

Luckily, no erections were reported due to the incident. However, the store will remain closed for the next week as “comprehensive cleaning and disinfection measures” are carried out, according to the owners. Exterminators were called in and all remaining banana crates were sealed to prevent any more escapees. But the threat may not yet be in the clear, as authorities issued a stark update: the animal is still on the loose. “Despite an extensive search, no spiders have been found to date.”

While Brazilian Wandering spiders hold the Guinness World Record for having the largest venom glands of any spider, less than one percent of their bites result in death. Worldwide, they’re responsible for about 4,000 bites each year. Their scientific name, Phoneutria, is Greek for “murderess.”