Republican coalition shrinks as suburbs, businesses flee

The nation's premier forced birther group, Susan B. Anthony Pro-Life America, identified a lot of scapegoats earlier this week after Ohio voters decisively rejected a ballot measure 57%-43%, which was intended to block abortion protections from being added to the state's constitution in November.

"Tragically, some sat on the sideline while outsider liberal groups poured millions into Ohio," the group moaned in a statement issued minutes after the failure of Issue 1. "The silence of the establishment and business community in Ohio left a vacuum too large to overcome."

Issue 1 would have raised the threshold for amending the state's constitution from a bare majority of voters to 60%. State Republican lawmakers sought to sneak it through in what they believed would be a sleepy August special election. Unfortunately for Republicans, they missed the memo that a group of high-turnout erstwhile GOP loyalists—suburban moms—are actually deeply committed to keeping abortion legal while many are also fleeing the Republican Party.