My dad banned me from playing with Barbies in case I 'turned gay.' 25 years later, I'm proud to say I'm queer.

Angel Cruz, who identifies as queer, said his dad banned him from playing with Barbies and having playdates with girls in case he "turned gay."

• Angel Cruz was confused when he was told, as a little boy, not to be friends with girls. 
• He recalls his dad's "shock" when he played with Barbies with the girl next door at the age of 5.
• His mom later explained how they didn't want him to "turn" gay. As an adult, he's proud to be queer.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Angel Cruz. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I saw the "Barbie" movie on the weekend of its release. It was amazing. I grew up when Barbie was part of the zeitgeist. 

But whenever I used to think about Barbie or dolls in general, it would stir up some negative recollections from my childhood. I thought, "I'm not going to let the past associations I had with Barbie affect my enjoyment of this film."

Around 30 years ago, when I was 5, I would play with the little girl who lived next door. She was one of my best friends. She'd invite me around to her house and we'd play with her Barbie dolls together. It was really fun.

Then, one day, my parents came looking for me. They said they were worried about me because I'd been gone for so long. They saw me with my friend's Barbies. My dad was visibly upset.

"I don't want you going next door anymore," he told me when we got home. " You're not going to play with Barbies." 

I wasn't allowed to have female friends

I was confused as to why he was telling me not to hang out with one of my closest friends. He didn't explicitly give a reason. But I did what he said. 

After the incident with the Barbies, I wasn't allowed female friends at all. I still didn't really understand why.

But, I was in high school in the early 2000s and there was still a lot of homophobia around. You'd see comedians on the TV making cheap jokes about gay people. It was the same at school where calling someone gay was a slur. We went to church as a family. I'd hear sermons about how being gay was against the Lord.

Mom finally told me about Dad's reaction to the Barbies thing when I was in 9th grade. She said that he didn't believe that boys could be friends with girls until they were old enough to date them. She said, "We didn't want you playing with dolls because we didn't want you to be like those men." They thought that Barbies would "turn" me gay.

I had a good friend in high school who came out after we graduated. A lot of people didn't want to be friends with him any more. I thought, "he's still a nice person" and "being gay doesn't change who he is."

I started questioning the values that I'd been taught. I realized that gay people shouldn't be stereotyped and judged. It was one of the reasons I stopped going to church when I was 26. I've made up for lost time. Lots of my friends are girls.

The 'Barbie' movie is a breath of fresh air

As for my own sexuality, I consider myself queer. I've been estranged from my dad for years and haven't come out yet to the rest of the family. But one thing's for sure —  playing with Barbies as a little kid had absolutely nothing to do with me being queer.

Toys are toys. They're a tool for your imagination. It's ridiculous to segregate toys based on gender. 

It may have stoked those painful memories, but I really enjoyed the "Barbie" movie. It's a breath of fresh air. I loved the messages it conveyed, like not seeking perfection and embracing who you are. I think everybody should watch it.

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