(L) Screenshot/TikTok - carriewynn, (R) Screenshot/TikTok - thefirstdatefix
Google it, and you'll find an endless supply of articles about how to spot signs that your partner might be cheating on you. On TikTok, people are increasingly using the phrase "micro-cheating" to describe behaviors that don't qualify as explicit cheating but could lead a person down that path eventually.
While there is no official list of what counts as "micro-cheating," some of the most common examples are not inviting your significant other to events, keeping secret friendships from your partner, not posting your significant other on social media, and flirting with random people or engaging with their social media posts in a flirty manner.
A popular video from user @teo.sol in April listed most of the offenses, and then some, like "confiding in your ex about your [current] relationship issues." Their video gained a million views and the comment section loudly agreed with their list.
Another video, posted earlier this month, shared an even longer list that ranges from serious offenses, like "stalking someone you find attractive who isn't your partner," to more benign behaviors, like being overly touchy with someone else.
One clip breaks micro-cheating into general characteristics rather than specific behaviors, like "secrecy," "inattention," "crossing relationship boundaries," and "defensiveness."
The term has been used online since at least 2018. However, in the last year, the phrase has become very popular on TikTok. A hashtag for "micro-cheating" has amassed over 25 million total views.
Though most people on the app seem to agree with naming these micro-cheating behaviors, there's also been some backlash questioning why this classification needs to exist. On one micro-cheating explanation video, a top comment said that too many rules can ruin a relationship."Don't be with someone you don't trust or can't talk to," the user wrote.
Others believe that we shouldn't need special labels to point out suspicious and hurtful patterns in relationships.
"Microcheating sounds like someone who is trying to diminish the harm these things can cause," another user wrote under that same video. "Let's just call it cheating, disrespect, unfaithfulness."
And since everyone's definition varies, TikTokers are also arguing about what constitutes as micro-cheating — especially if they have different levels of trust and insecurities.
"Depends on what your boundaries are," one person wrote on a video about the subject.
"All these new made up words crack me up," another person said in response to another video. "You're either cheating or you're loyal, there's no in between."
Creators who've posted about the label say it can be a helpful tool to start important dialogue in a relationship.
In a video response to a comment on a previous video questioning the efficacy of labeling micro-cheating, TikToker @carriewynn said she used it to remind people why they need to communicate with their partner to understand what the other is comfortable with.
"If you do that, you're going to have the best, most open and communicative relationship ever," she said.
TikTok has frequently boosted the popularity of phrases like "micro-cheating" to its community members. Previously, other newer terms like "micro-wedding," to describe a smaller-scale ceremony, have also found new audiences on the app. The platform has also become a hub for online dating and relationship infidelity discourse.
