It’s natural for any child to test limits, whether it’s touching a hot stove that you repeatedly told them not to, or refusing to clean their room after multiple asks. This behavior is normal and should be expected from kids as they grow and evolve. And it’s also an important part of their development, as pushing boundaries is a way your child can become more independent and learn from their mistakes. But teaching them early on how to test their limits respectfully, without being defiant, is an important skill to build as a parent.
“Of course, the level of understanding and communication will vary depending on the child’s age, but introducing the concept of boundaries early on lays a foundation for healthy relationships and self-respect later in life,” says Lindsay Adams, an LCSW based in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Teaching kids about boundaries is an important aspect of their social and emotional development. By understanding boundaries, children learn how to respect their own boundaries and those of others.
Boundaries can come in a variety of forms, and Carrie Jackson, a child psychologist in San Diego, California, says it’s important for parents to teach kids that boundaries work both ways. “For example, teaching kids that every person is in charge of their own boundary is an important boundary to set,” she says.
Generally, when it comes to teaching and setting boundaries for children, it can be broken down into the following four major categories:
Setting healthy boundaries requires children and parents to be able to recognize their own emotions, what they need, and what they would like in different situations. Empathy involves understanding other people’s feelings, which is essential for respecting their boundaries. When children are taught about boundaries, they learn to recognize and honor the needs and feelings of others.
Jackson says that parents can help build empathy in their children by asking them questions such as, ‘How does that make you feel?’ or ‘Why do you think you felt that way?’ in a variety of situations, including when someone crosses their boundaries or when they cross someone else’s boundaries.
By teaching children about boundaries and empathy, they can learn how to communicate effectively, build strong relationships and show respect for others.
There might be no better way to teach boundaries than to practice setting them. Children learn best by seeing what their parents do, and modeling healthy boundary-setting and then boundary-practicing is a great way for children to learn.
“When practicing, emphasizing to children that just saying no and not giving a reason is a sufficient way to set a boundary,” says Jackson. “You can help kids explore how they feel when setting boundaries and also ask how they might feel if the roles were reversed.”
Making boundary practicing a normal part of your day to day life is a great way to make the task feel more simple and less of a chore. By showing your child that setting and following through with boundaries is healthy and routine, they’ll feel more confident setting their own boundaries. Adams recommends the following ideas:
Boundaries serve as guardrails, guiding children towards healthy development and responsible decision-making. By establishing clear expectations and limitations, boundaries provide a foundation for children to thrive emotionally and socially.
Before you go, take a look at these ways to inspire healthy attitudes about eating: